Quarter Life Crisis

I was having dessert with Peachy & Julius last week when I told her, “Girl, I think I have a non existent career.”. They both grew silent. I think that’s the affirmation that I was looking for. I didn’t stop there though. I was with this friend at his place and while we were both looking at the stain on his ceiling, I asked him, “Do you think I don’t have a career path?”. He told me, he doesn’t think so. The pay must not measure your success. What’s important is that you are good in what you’re doing and you actually enjoy doing it. Alright, I got that, he has a point. But still up to now I am bothered of how I am faring in this great big world. I guess this is what they call the quarter life crisis. Boy, I think got it pretty bad.

Gone are the days when I hop from one bar to another every night till you hear rooster sounds. When I go out now, I’m usually sleepy by 10:30 pm. That reduced my gimiks from videoke bars or clubs to either “kwentuhan” over quiet dinner and coffee or staying over friends’ house. I don’t need to go out anymore just to have a nice time. I got contented in chilling out basta you are with someone’s company you enjoy. Well I know, me completely staying home hasn’t changed though hehe.

Relationships got me jaded too. Like the bars, I do not hop to one relationship to another anymore. I know this is the perfect time to do that coz I’ve been single for quite some time now but I think I lost my thing for that. I don’t even go on dates with people I do not see potential whatever with anymore. Unlike before na “sige lang, baka pwede pa din” I got tired. This is the thing I don’t like when you come from a long relationship eh. You have to build something with someone from scratch again. But I know it will come naturally someday.

The way I shopped changed too. Before, I shopped for clothes, shoes and bags almost everyday. Gosh, now, I’d be really grateful if I get to buy stuff once every week. It’s not only the budget e, time na din. During my free time, either I’d catch up with friends or I’d spend it at home sleeping. I resigned from being a mall rat. Not only that, I started buying beauty products more. You know, the anti-eye wrinkle thing or the age defying stuff or the youth looking creams. Preventive maintenance became really important for me.

My everyday get up now would involve jeans or shorts with white tank tops and Havaianas. The problem here is I wear them now to EVERYWHERE. Movies, dinners, client calls, gosh if only they would allow it in the office, I’d go to work wearing that. I sometimes look at my stilettos and wonder how I managed to walk with it for hours around the mall in my younger days or the thought that I could run in those heels before. Make-up is also reduced to face powder, cheek stain and lip gloss.

Maturity got better of me. Yeah, I now lie about my age (I’d be forever 25 until my face still gets away with it) but I face life now with all the maturity I have collected all these years (and should have applied before). I do not need somebody to constantly take care of me anymore. I became the independent person I was before I lost myself back then. I do not see relationships as You-and-Me-Only kind of thing anymore. I’ve realized for your relationships to be stronger, both of you have to have space and grow as two individual person. I choose people who stay in my life. I do not force them to stay anymore and more importantly, I do not let them decide for me. I have let go of people who needs to go and I became good friends with those who never left me.

I have given up my childhood goal of marrying at 28. How could I do that when this is the time I’m just growing up? Maturing just now? Too late I know. It cost me people I cared about in the past. But in life, it’s never too late to learn. One important thing I realized is that never be afraid to let go of people who are not meant to stay. They had to go because they have to be replaced by those who are coming to stay for good.