Sunday, September 30, 2007
~*~ Happenings ~*~
Its been a while since I posted something here... For easier storytelling, let me make my pictures do the talking hahahaha!
Here's one pic when I was doing Gen's Wedding.. Yeah, I'm back to the Wedding Coordination sideline =) The wedding was great and I was really touched by how Gen was hugging his groom after the "you may kiss the bride" part =)
Oh yes! I cut my hair short!!!! After seven years, I again have the little-girl-look! Hahaha! Who would guess that I'll be turning 28 this coming January huh?! Though the cut's nice, now I believe the saying "Never go to a salon on a depressing day!" Hahaha!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
CONFESSIONS OF A DADDY’S GIRL
Everybody who knows me knows that I’m a certified Papa’s Girl. It’s a thin line between stuff like being a unica hija, a favorite daughter (as if there was a choice back then) and a spoiled brat. I enjoyed every minute of it and I still do. You can never be too old to be a papa’s girl, I always tell them. Ever since I was young, Papa calls me his Princess. Many people who hears about it find it sweet and for the record, I love hearing my dad call me that. It makes me feel special and really loved.
So back to my dad, I just want to declare that my dad’s the best father in the whole wide world. When we were kids, we would get all excited waiting for him to come home from work. He would bring “pasalubongs” like Nagaraya peanuts, those four flavors in one pack. We each (including Faye) would get one each. Faye would always get the natural flavor because she was too young to choose and I would always get the saltiest flavor. Sometimes he would bring us a pack of Rainbow Bright Gelatin which we would also divide equally among us. So we’d get like 4 pieces each. And on a very nice night, it would be Jollibee spaghetti for all of us.
Being the only girl, it is given that Papa would be very protective of me. But he never got to the point that he makes pakialam especially in my love life. He lets me learn my lesson on my own. Of course, there are these advices (solicited and not solicited) like I should never marry somebody I am not passionately in love with. And there are deadma moments to the guys he doesn’t like for me (actually, he only disliked one guy out of all of my then boyfriends). He just wants the best for me, I know. And I also know for fathers, there will be no perfect guy for their daughter. The first time I had my heart broken, I didn’t tell him. He might have noticed (well, me not eating and the puffy eyes might gave me away) because out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to go to Hong Kong for a weekend so that I could cheer up. I was too depressed so I said no but I’ll never forget that super sweet gesture. During one of our heart to heart talks, he told me he doesn’t worry about me when it comes to love and I shouldn’t worry too because if in case it wouldn’t work out with my man, he would always be there to take care of me.
He’s also really supportive of me even when we were kids. If he wasn’t working abroad, he would make sure that he would spend time with us. Papa would take us out to adventures. From the Laguna overnight outings to the “hiking-picnics” at the off limit parts near the airport (behind the wall of the Access Road in Moonwalk). He would be more lenient than Mama (who’s forever a worrywart) therefore we get to have more fun when we are with him.
Papa took us around the world when we were young. I hated leaving the country back then because it would mean less time for volleyball and my friends but now if only I could only turn back time, I would cherish every moment that we spent together. It’s not everyday you walk around Venice at 2am looking for a open hotel, or running after a train and getting stuck in between cabins in Italy or, having lunch with Mickey Mouse cookie dessert in Disneyland Paris. Well, we have more than dozens of pictures to relive those times. Papa is a photo enthusiast. When digital camera was not yet in before, he would carry around his old school “high tech” camera (with the famous tripod) and would force all three of us to pose (in line, side by side) in front of all the tourist spots. It was out of duty back then but when we got older, we laugh till our sides hurt whenever we see our dorky faces in those pictures and of course the pride that in such a young age, we have gone to places other people can just imagine.
My dad saw all of us through college. It wasn’t easy. We hit the lows when he was forced to retire from PAL. But we got through it. Again I am thankful for my dad.
One of my most treasured moments with my dad was when I went to spend more than 4 months in Amsterdam last 2004. That was the longest time I have spent with him since he went abroad to work. We made “chismisan” everyday, ate Chinese takeout food (neither of us cooks so we don’t have anything for dinner), went to parties, and took a walk in the beach at Den Haag. We learned new things about each other and he got to know the grown up me (with sayad of course hehe). I remembered him lecturing me about laundry coz after I washed my clothes it all turned pink. I got pissed also because I followed his instructions: separate the colored from the whites. Maybe he got angry because he would need to buy me new clothes ‘coz mine got ruined. Anyways, I was also so happy because it was the time when he actually watched me play volleyball. It was also there where I saw how he worked really hard for us. He leaves the office at the average 10pm almost everyday. I also saw that our kababayans there really respect him and have only good words for him. I am only too proud to be known to be his daughter.
Papa saw us through college. He worked very hard for us to have good, nay, excellent education while providing us with more than what he really needs to. He is a very patient man. He puts his children first before himself. He taught me to always be nice to people no matter their stature in life. He goes to church often and always tells us to pray. And aside from his smile, I think I inherited his Mr. Friendship attitude. With all these, I came into a conclusion that a man that would deserve me must measure up to the one man I look up to all my life… my Dad..
So back to my dad, I just want to declare that my dad’s the best father in the whole wide world. When we were kids, we would get all excited waiting for him to come home from work. He would bring “pasalubongs” like Nagaraya peanuts, those four flavors in one pack. We each (including Faye) would get one each. Faye would always get the natural flavor because she was too young to choose and I would always get the saltiest flavor. Sometimes he would bring us a pack of Rainbow Bright Gelatin which we would also divide equally among us. So we’d get like 4 pieces each. And on a very nice night, it would be Jollibee spaghetti for all of us.
Being the only girl, it is given that Papa would be very protective of me. But he never got to the point that he makes pakialam especially in my love life. He lets me learn my lesson on my own. Of course, there are these advices (solicited and not solicited) like I should never marry somebody I am not passionately in love with. And there are deadma moments to the guys he doesn’t like for me (actually, he only disliked one guy out of all of my then boyfriends). He just wants the best for me, I know. And I also know for fathers, there will be no perfect guy for their daughter. The first time I had my heart broken, I didn’t tell him. He might have noticed (well, me not eating and the puffy eyes might gave me away) because out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to go to Hong Kong for a weekend so that I could cheer up. I was too depressed so I said no but I’ll never forget that super sweet gesture. During one of our heart to heart talks, he told me he doesn’t worry about me when it comes to love and I shouldn’t worry too because if in case it wouldn’t work out with my man, he would always be there to take care of me.
He’s also really supportive of me even when we were kids. If he wasn’t working abroad, he would make sure that he would spend time with us. Papa would take us out to adventures. From the Laguna overnight outings to the “hiking-picnics” at the off limit parts near the airport (behind the wall of the Access Road in Moonwalk). He would be more lenient than Mama (who’s forever a worrywart) therefore we get to have more fun when we are with him.
Papa took us around the world when we were young. I hated leaving the country back then because it would mean less time for volleyball and my friends but now if only I could only turn back time, I would cherish every moment that we spent together. It’s not everyday you walk around Venice at 2am looking for a open hotel, or running after a train and getting stuck in between cabins in Italy or, having lunch with Mickey Mouse cookie dessert in Disneyland Paris. Well, we have more than dozens of pictures to relive those times. Papa is a photo enthusiast. When digital camera was not yet in before, he would carry around his old school “high tech” camera (with the famous tripod) and would force all three of us to pose (in line, side by side) in front of all the tourist spots. It was out of duty back then but when we got older, we laugh till our sides hurt whenever we see our dorky faces in those pictures and of course the pride that in such a young age, we have gone to places other people can just imagine.
My dad saw all of us through college. It wasn’t easy. We hit the lows when he was forced to retire from PAL. But we got through it. Again I am thankful for my dad.
One of my most treasured moments with my dad was when I went to spend more than 4 months in Amsterdam last 2004. That was the longest time I have spent with him since he went abroad to work. We made “chismisan” everyday, ate Chinese takeout food (neither of us cooks so we don’t have anything for dinner), went to parties, and took a walk in the beach at Den Haag. We learned new things about each other and he got to know the grown up me (with sayad of course hehe). I remembered him lecturing me about laundry coz after I washed my clothes it all turned pink. I got pissed also because I followed his instructions: separate the colored from the whites. Maybe he got angry because he would need to buy me new clothes ‘coz mine got ruined. Anyways, I was also so happy because it was the time when he actually watched me play volleyball. It was also there where I saw how he worked really hard for us. He leaves the office at the average 10pm almost everyday. I also saw that our kababayans there really respect him and have only good words for him. I am only too proud to be known to be his daughter.
Papa saw us through college. He worked very hard for us to have good, nay, excellent education while providing us with more than what he really needs to. He is a very patient man. He puts his children first before himself. He taught me to always be nice to people no matter their stature in life. He goes to church often and always tells us to pray. And aside from his smile, I think I inherited his Mr. Friendship attitude. With all these, I came into a conclusion that a man that would deserve me must measure up to the one man I look up to all my life… my Dad..
Deal with it!
CUSTOMER MANAGEMENT
It’s common knowledge that I’m a very impatient person. I think I may even have the Attention Disorder Hyperactivity Syndrome, or the ADHS for adults. I’m not kidding! For as long as I could remember, I do not have the patience to stand or sit still for a long time. I cannot spend the whole day doing nothing and I’m always on the go. When I’m in church, if seated, I feel nauseated sitting still & just listening to the sermon. If I am standing, I keep twisting my half body or I do the step forward-sideways-backwards-but-still-on-the-same-spot thing. I do not have the patience to wait for a person, either for appointments or even for love. I get irritated if the people I talk to do not get what I’m explaining in one go. Well, you can just take a look at all of my relationships. They can explain everything I have stated above. I am a very impatient person.
But my present work, contradicts the person that I am. You see, I work for the Customer Management Group. I take and process all construction requests including complaints, actually mostly complaints. I get an average of 20 emails per day, 6 calls per day, 2 client meetings (with and without appointments) per day and 3 turnover clients on site per week. God, it can be so harassing sometimes. Clients, mostly OFW’s, are often very difficult to deal with. Especially those in very tight budgets, they are the ones who have the most complaints. I’m not talking about only the clients who complain but, there are also some who are very difficult to talk to. They do not know how to understand simple things!
I have an example. Let’s call her Mrs. X. Mrs. X called our office and looked for Engr. Rubio. When I got to the phone, she said, “I said I want to talk to Engr. Rubio, not his secretary!”. Well, I get that a lot so okay lang. I introduced myself to her then she said, “So, babae ka pala?” Umm, duh. Then she proceeded to her complaint. She said, “You sent me some files and told me to choose a color for my house. Where are the colors? This so stupid and such a waste of my time.”. I was surprised and immediately checked the file that I sent her but I saw that I included the Color Scheme. I told her that and she went, “Are you calling me a liar? I printed all the documents that you sent! They are all in front of me right now. It is not here. This is so stupid.” I was still confused then I ask her,”Ma’am, if you have the documents, do you see the page where there are pictures of the house?”. She said, “Yes, but there are no colors! How can I pick if it is not colored!? Engineer ka pa naman!”. Amp! Bwiset to a. I asked her back, “Ma’am when you printed the file, did you use a colored printer?”. Ayun tumahimik. Asus! At ako pa daw ang stupid? Eto na pambawi ni Mrs. X, “You should have indicated in your email that I should print this in a colored printer!” Ay, bobo.
There are some clients also na ang labo talaga kausap. One of our company’s policy is not to have expansion on the second floor to preserve the Californian image of the houses. During one of our meetings, she was insisting to expand her second floor. I said because of our company’s Deed of Restriction, it is not possible. Ang banat ng lola mo? “Asan ba yang Deed of Restriction niyo? Akin na, papapalitan ko.” Asus!
I also hate those clients who are very inconsiderate. Yung mga walk-in lang and magdedemand na makipagmeeting sakin tapos dadating lunch break. Kainis di ba?
There are also clients na para lang makalibre ng penalties nya, they would dig up anything bad about the project or make up stuff, and blackmail you. If you don’t mind them naman, they will say na di mo sila inaasikaso. Grabe.
Eto pa, may mga clients who go to the site where their house are being built and they make pakialam everything. Ang masama dyan, halos tinuturuan na nila yung mga laborers dun kung anong gagawin! MAMARU! And would go back to our office and would make reklamo to me, na mali daw mga ginagawa sa site. Parang gusto ko sabihin dun sa engineer namin, “Oist Steve, paki bigyan na nga to si lolo ng hard hat and shovel. Kaw na gumawa dun!” Kairita grabe.
Meron din mga linyang, “you know in the states, centralized ang gas.” Or “you know in the states it’s not like that.” Or “Sa States ganito, sa States ganyan.” E DI DYAN NA LANG KAYO BUMILI DUH!
But you can never say that! Kelangan friendly pa rin ang voice kahit na umuusok na yung tenga mo. Even if nasasabihan ka ng “Engineer ka ba?”. Yan yung mga gusto ko sagutin na, “Oo engineer ako, ikaw ano ka dyan sa ibang bansa?” Nakakpikon talaga e. Pero nga, because I’m with Customer Management, mahaba dapat ang patience mo. Just like what my boss said, bawal balat sibuyas.
Don’t get me wrong. There are some clients naman who are nice. And I realized, these are those na matagal na matagal na talaga sa ibang bansa, dun na lumaki or old rich na talaga. They do not talk to you as if utang na loob mo talaga na bumili sila sa kumpanya nyo ng bahay.
Sometimes sila pa nga nahihiya na may mga requests sila. They ask if you want to eat with them afterwards when the house inspection stretched past lunchtime. They give you thoughtful gifts after you have helped them. It’s not being materialistic naman pero it’s nice to feel you are appreciated. Yung may mga request sa phone na super sweet kausap? Parang nakakagana iprocess noh? Kaysa dun sa may mga request na sinisigawan ka pa, parang ang sarap i-pending hehehe. Pero ofcourse we don’t do that. I just hope there will be more considerate clients.
It’s common knowledge that I’m a very impatient person. I think I may even have the Attention Disorder Hyperactivity Syndrome, or the ADHS for adults. I’m not kidding! For as long as I could remember, I do not have the patience to stand or sit still for a long time. I cannot spend the whole day doing nothing and I’m always on the go. When I’m in church, if seated, I feel nauseated sitting still & just listening to the sermon. If I am standing, I keep twisting my half body or I do the step forward-sideways-backwards-but-still-on-the-same-spot thing. I do not have the patience to wait for a person, either for appointments or even for love. I get irritated if the people I talk to do not get what I’m explaining in one go. Well, you can just take a look at all of my relationships. They can explain everything I have stated above. I am a very impatient person.
But my present work, contradicts the person that I am. You see, I work for the Customer Management Group. I take and process all construction requests including complaints, actually mostly complaints. I get an average of 20 emails per day, 6 calls per day, 2 client meetings (with and without appointments) per day and 3 turnover clients on site per week. God, it can be so harassing sometimes. Clients, mostly OFW’s, are often very difficult to deal with. Especially those in very tight budgets, they are the ones who have the most complaints. I’m not talking about only the clients who complain but, there are also some who are very difficult to talk to. They do not know how to understand simple things!
I have an example. Let’s call her Mrs. X. Mrs. X called our office and looked for Engr. Rubio. When I got to the phone, she said, “I said I want to talk to Engr. Rubio, not his secretary!”. Well, I get that a lot so okay lang. I introduced myself to her then she said, “So, babae ka pala?” Umm, duh. Then she proceeded to her complaint. She said, “You sent me some files and told me to choose a color for my house. Where are the colors? This so stupid and such a waste of my time.”. I was surprised and immediately checked the file that I sent her but I saw that I included the Color Scheme. I told her that and she went, “Are you calling me a liar? I printed all the documents that you sent! They are all in front of me right now. It is not here. This is so stupid.” I was still confused then I ask her,”Ma’am, if you have the documents, do you see the page where there are pictures of the house?”. She said, “Yes, but there are no colors! How can I pick if it is not colored!? Engineer ka pa naman!”. Amp! Bwiset to a. I asked her back, “Ma’am when you printed the file, did you use a colored printer?”. Ayun tumahimik. Asus! At ako pa daw ang stupid? Eto na pambawi ni Mrs. X, “You should have indicated in your email that I should print this in a colored printer!” Ay, bobo.
There are some clients also na ang labo talaga kausap. One of our company’s policy is not to have expansion on the second floor to preserve the Californian image of the houses. During one of our meetings, she was insisting to expand her second floor. I said because of our company’s Deed of Restriction, it is not possible. Ang banat ng lola mo? “Asan ba yang Deed of Restriction niyo? Akin na, papapalitan ko.” Asus!
I also hate those clients who are very inconsiderate. Yung mga walk-in lang and magdedemand na makipagmeeting sakin tapos dadating lunch break. Kainis di ba?
There are also clients na para lang makalibre ng penalties nya, they would dig up anything bad about the project or make up stuff, and blackmail you. If you don’t mind them naman, they will say na di mo sila inaasikaso. Grabe.
Eto pa, may mga clients who go to the site where their house are being built and they make pakialam everything. Ang masama dyan, halos tinuturuan na nila yung mga laborers dun kung anong gagawin! MAMARU! And would go back to our office and would make reklamo to me, na mali daw mga ginagawa sa site. Parang gusto ko sabihin dun sa engineer namin, “Oist Steve, paki bigyan na nga to si lolo ng hard hat and shovel. Kaw na gumawa dun!” Kairita grabe.
Meron din mga linyang, “you know in the states, centralized ang gas.” Or “you know in the states it’s not like that.” Or “Sa States ganito, sa States ganyan.” E DI DYAN NA LANG KAYO BUMILI DUH!
But you can never say that! Kelangan friendly pa rin ang voice kahit na umuusok na yung tenga mo. Even if nasasabihan ka ng “Engineer ka ba?”. Yan yung mga gusto ko sagutin na, “Oo engineer ako, ikaw ano ka dyan sa ibang bansa?” Nakakpikon talaga e. Pero nga, because I’m with Customer Management, mahaba dapat ang patience mo. Just like what my boss said, bawal balat sibuyas.
Don’t get me wrong. There are some clients naman who are nice. And I realized, these are those na matagal na matagal na talaga sa ibang bansa, dun na lumaki or old rich na talaga. They do not talk to you as if utang na loob mo talaga na bumili sila sa kumpanya nyo ng bahay.
Sometimes sila pa nga nahihiya na may mga requests sila. They ask if you want to eat with them afterwards when the house inspection stretched past lunchtime. They give you thoughtful gifts after you have helped them. It’s not being materialistic naman pero it’s nice to feel you are appreciated. Yung may mga request sa phone na super sweet kausap? Parang nakakagana iprocess noh? Kaysa dun sa may mga request na sinisigawan ka pa, parang ang sarap i-pending hehehe. Pero ofcourse we don’t do that. I just hope there will be more considerate clients.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Quarter Life Crisis
I was having dessert with Peachy & Julius last week when I told her, “Girl, I think I have a non existent career.”. They both grew silent. I think that’s the affirmation that I was looking for. I didn’t stop there though. I was with this friend at his place and while we were both looking at the stain on his ceiling, I asked him, “Do you think I don’t have a career path?”. He told me, he doesn’t think so. The pay must not measure your success. What’s important is that you are good in what you’re doing and you actually enjoy doing it. Alright, I got that, he has a point. But still up to now I am bothered of how I am faring in this great big world. I guess this is what they call the quarter life crisis. Boy, I think got it pretty bad.
Gone are the days when I hop from one bar to another every night till you hear rooster sounds. When I go out now, I’m usually sleepy by 10:30 pm. That reduced my gimiks from videoke bars or clubs to either “kwentuhan” over quiet dinner and coffee or staying over friends’ house. I don’t need to go out anymore just to have a nice time. I got contented in chilling out basta you are with someone’s company you enjoy. Well I know, me completely staying home hasn’t changed though hehe.
Relationships got me jaded too. Like the bars, I do not hop to one relationship to another anymore. I know this is the perfect time to do that coz I’ve been single for quite some time now but I think I lost my thing for that. I don’t even go on dates with people I do not see potential whatever with anymore. Unlike before na “sige lang, baka pwede pa din” I got tired. This is the thing I don’t like when you come from a long relationship eh. You have to build something with someone from scratch again. But I know it will come naturally someday.
The way I shopped changed too. Before, I shopped for clothes, shoes and bags almost everyday. Gosh, now, I’d be really grateful if I get to buy stuff once every week. It’s not only the budget e, time na din. During my free time, either I’d catch up with friends or I’d spend it at home sleeping. I resigned from being a mall rat. Not only that, I started buying beauty products more. You know, the anti-eye wrinkle thing or the age defying stuff or the youth looking creams. Preventive maintenance became really important for me.
My everyday get up now would involve jeans or shorts with white tank tops and Havaianas. The problem here is I wear them now to EVERYWHERE. Movies, dinners, client calls, gosh if only they would allow it in the office, I’d go to work wearing that. I sometimes look at my stilettos and wonder how I managed to walk with it for hours around the mall in my younger days or the thought that I could run in those heels before. Make-up is also reduced to face powder, cheek stain and lip gloss.
Maturity got better of me. Yeah, I now lie about my age (I’d be forever 25 until my face still gets away with it) but I face life now with all the maturity I have collected all these years (and should have applied before). I do not need somebody to constantly take care of me anymore. I became the independent person I was before I lost myself back then. I do not see relationships as You-and-Me-Only kind of thing anymore. I’ve realized for your relationships to be stronger, both of you have to have space and grow as two individual person. I choose people who stay in my life. I do not force them to stay anymore and more importantly, I do not let them decide for me. I have let go of people who needs to go and I became good friends with those who never left me.
I have given up my childhood goal of marrying at 28. How could I do that when this is the time I’m just growing up? Maturing just now? Too late I know. It cost me people I cared about in the past. But in life, it’s never too late to learn. One important thing I realized is that never be afraid to let go of people who are not meant to stay. They had to go because they have to be replaced by those who are coming to stay for good.
Gone are the days when I hop from one bar to another every night till you hear rooster sounds. When I go out now, I’m usually sleepy by 10:30 pm. That reduced my gimiks from videoke bars or clubs to either “kwentuhan” over quiet dinner and coffee or staying over friends’ house. I don’t need to go out anymore just to have a nice time. I got contented in chilling out basta you are with someone’s company you enjoy. Well I know, me completely staying home hasn’t changed though hehe.
Relationships got me jaded too. Like the bars, I do not hop to one relationship to another anymore. I know this is the perfect time to do that coz I’ve been single for quite some time now but I think I lost my thing for that. I don’t even go on dates with people I do not see potential whatever with anymore. Unlike before na “sige lang, baka pwede pa din” I got tired. This is the thing I don’t like when you come from a long relationship eh. You have to build something with someone from scratch again. But I know it will come naturally someday.
The way I shopped changed too. Before, I shopped for clothes, shoes and bags almost everyday. Gosh, now, I’d be really grateful if I get to buy stuff once every week. It’s not only the budget e, time na din. During my free time, either I’d catch up with friends or I’d spend it at home sleeping. I resigned from being a mall rat. Not only that, I started buying beauty products more. You know, the anti-eye wrinkle thing or the age defying stuff or the youth looking creams. Preventive maintenance became really important for me.
My everyday get up now would involve jeans or shorts with white tank tops and Havaianas. The problem here is I wear them now to EVERYWHERE. Movies, dinners, client calls, gosh if only they would allow it in the office, I’d go to work wearing that. I sometimes look at my stilettos and wonder how I managed to walk with it for hours around the mall in my younger days or the thought that I could run in those heels before. Make-up is also reduced to face powder, cheek stain and lip gloss.
Maturity got better of me. Yeah, I now lie about my age (I’d be forever 25 until my face still gets away with it) but I face life now with all the maturity I have collected all these years (and should have applied before). I do not need somebody to constantly take care of me anymore. I became the independent person I was before I lost myself back then. I do not see relationships as You-and-Me-Only kind of thing anymore. I’ve realized for your relationships to be stronger, both of you have to have space and grow as two individual person. I choose people who stay in my life. I do not force them to stay anymore and more importantly, I do not let them decide for me. I have let go of people who needs to go and I became good friends with those who never left me.
I have given up my childhood goal of marrying at 28. How could I do that when this is the time I’m just growing up? Maturing just now? Too late I know. It cost me people I cared about in the past. But in life, it’s never too late to learn. One important thing I realized is that never be afraid to let go of people who are not meant to stay. They had to go because they have to be replaced by those who are coming to stay for good.
My No Laughing Matter
Every Sundays, I look forward reading Lucy Gomez’s and Celine Lopez’s columns in the Sunday Lifestyle section of The Philippine Star newspaper. I enjoyed their column one Sunday, particularly last June 3, 2007, This is where I learned about Ms. Lucy’s happiness list which I eventually made gaya. This is also the same issue where I read about Celine Lopez’s “No Laughing Matter”.
In this column, she shared that for ten years, she is being treated for anxiety depression. I could really relate because I also got treated with the same sickness last 2004. Like her, I also want to share what I went through.
You see, it all started when I got hospitalized last March 2004. My stomach is very sensitive and if I eat something that is not agreeable with it, I would have LBM and would throw up like there’s no tomorrow. Of course with this I would be dehydrated. The weird thing is I got hospitalized twice after that again, with the same sickness, dehydration. My stomach has been poked around a lot (camera’s and everything) just to see what’s wrong. After going out of the hospital, I quit my job. It was then I experienced palpitating with no reason. It’s like being nervous without knowing why. I couldn’t sleep at night and when I do, I’d wake up like four hours after. I never wanted to be alone. I would cry for no reason. I would vomit uncontrollably because I was always nauseated because of my palpitation. I though I was going crazy. I felt I was so tired of being sick, I just want to end everything. For days, I don’t talk to anyone. I just stare blankly at space. I do not eat. I wanted to commit suicide.
Actually, I almost did. I was at home with the maid. I went down and got the largest knife in the kitchen and brought it to my room. I locked the door and wrote my last letter. I got the knife and tried poking my chest with it. I couldn’t do it though. Aside from the fact that it hurts, I thought how much my mom would be disappointed at me. And how my dad would be devastated he would lose his princess. And that my brothers and Faye would feel that I have let them down. So, I dressed up and went to Greenbelt church. I went inside the confession room and told the priest what I was about to do. Do you know what he told me? He said to go to the church’s office and have a scheduled counseling. What the F@%#!K? I just told him I was about to kill myself 10 minutes ago! He was an effing priest for god’s sake! Anyways, I went out of the confession booth and went to their parish office and I begged the people inside the office if I could talk to a priest now. I was really crying this time. They dismissed me by giving me a piece of paper to fill up so that they could schedule me. God I was already crying my heart out! How could these people call themselves God’s servants when they clearly cannot see a pathetic girl needing their help? I was led towards the corner by this kind lady. We sat and I talked to her what I was going through. I think I talked for a good one hour. Then she said, she was a cancer patient with nobody to take care of her. I have my family, boyfriend and friends therefore I shouldn’t be feeling that way. I said I don’t understand what’s wrong with me either. I just want to end my life because I was suffering.
This was when my gastro (the doctor), suggested I go to a psychiatrist.
The doctor she suggested was Dr. Paul Lee. When he saw me, he said I have what they call anxiety-depression. This was caused by the chemical imbalanced that happened after the numerous times I have been dehydrated. I was simply clinically depressed. This explains it because I was racking my brains why I’m going through this. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing that big in my life I should be this depressed about. He said that I should take some pills and not do anything stupid because he promised that he would make me better. I said no. I cannot afford his fee with all my medicines that I was already taking for my stomach plus the medicines he wanted me to take. So what he did was to lower his charge from Php 2,500 to Php 1,000 per visit. I realized I was in a so wrong course man! I should have taken up Psychiatry. They get paid a lot! Imagine 1k per visit and there was a pretty long line outside his clinic! Anyway, I agreed because I was desperate to get better.
I had a hard time going through with it because I was ashamed that maybe people would think I was going crazy. My mom wasn’t supportive of me, maybe she cannot accept that her unica hija was going crazy. My dad was a different story. Even living thousands of miles from me, he was very supportive. He sent money for my doctor’s fee and medicines. He called my doctor to know what was really wrong. We realized together that this is also the result of a psychological thing that happened to me when I was a kid. The depression also took its toll with my relationships. The depression made my feelings very sensitive and erratic. I would be quiet one time, happy the next, crying the next time and very mad the next.
I went to Dr Lee 3 times a week. We don’t talk much because I don’t talk at all. He talks with the people who goes with me though. They confirmed to him that I was a very active person before. A total opposite of how I was acting then. He said I just have to keep on drinking the medicines and one day I’d be back to how I was. He also suggested that I go visit my dad in Amsterdam because a change of environment was good for me.
He was right. Armed with all my medicines I went to my dad’s. A change of environment really did me good. I started laughing again and doing stuff I liked. I learned not to feel guilty of this condition because I am not the only one who has it. This illness is not a sign of weakness. With the help of medicines and friends, it will one day go away. I had occasional anxiety attacks when I was there though, but whenever I feel that, I call up Dicky in Manila and everything would be well again. After spending five months in Europe, I went back to Manila. From the airport, when I laid down my bed, I threw up big time after and started palpitating again. Dr Lee said it was a post trauma. I had to re-arrange my room because it reminded my of what I went through before I left for Europe. I continued seeing him for another six months because we had to withdraw the medicines slowly. It was so frustrating but my goal was never to return to that state again. Eventually, things returned to normal. I am just scared because they said, this could still be triggered by something tragic. Like what I’ve said, I never want to return to that state again.
I am very much thankful for those who stayed by my side during that time. Peachy and Vivian, my girlfriends and friends who supported me all the way. That kind lady at Greenbelt church who I talked to. Of course, Dicky, who would pick me up wherever I was after his work, go with me to mass (which I attended regularly) and almost camp in my bed every night because I was afraid of being left alone. He who was patient enough put up with all my shitty stuff during that time. He who also never gave up on me and believed that I would be able to pull through. I thank you very much.
Just how Celine Lopez puts it: it’s really hard to explain this condition to people who don’t have it. It doesn’t have physical signs to warrant an alarmed reaction and to be legit. Depression gives you a dull ache that may manifest itself in psychosomatic symptoms such as backaches and migraines. It is easy to dismiss it as being moody or a drama queen. But in reality, this is an illness. Though, I have stopped taking my medicines, I feel that I still battle it every now and then. I still have my good days and bad ones. This year I felt close in drowning in it again after I lost someone I love but I fought it. There a lot of people or things that would disappoint you but you have only yourself to rely on to deal with it. Do not set very high expectations for yourself and others. Accept people as they are. Again like what I have said before, depression isn’t a sign of weakness. It is an illness you have to admit you have and have yourself treated.
In this column, she shared that for ten years, she is being treated for anxiety depression. I could really relate because I also got treated with the same sickness last 2004. Like her, I also want to share what I went through.
You see, it all started when I got hospitalized last March 2004. My stomach is very sensitive and if I eat something that is not agreeable with it, I would have LBM and would throw up like there’s no tomorrow. Of course with this I would be dehydrated. The weird thing is I got hospitalized twice after that again, with the same sickness, dehydration. My stomach has been poked around a lot (camera’s and everything) just to see what’s wrong. After going out of the hospital, I quit my job. It was then I experienced palpitating with no reason. It’s like being nervous without knowing why. I couldn’t sleep at night and when I do, I’d wake up like four hours after. I never wanted to be alone. I would cry for no reason. I would vomit uncontrollably because I was always nauseated because of my palpitation. I though I was going crazy. I felt I was so tired of being sick, I just want to end everything. For days, I don’t talk to anyone. I just stare blankly at space. I do not eat. I wanted to commit suicide.
Actually, I almost did. I was at home with the maid. I went down and got the largest knife in the kitchen and brought it to my room. I locked the door and wrote my last letter. I got the knife and tried poking my chest with it. I couldn’t do it though. Aside from the fact that it hurts, I thought how much my mom would be disappointed at me. And how my dad would be devastated he would lose his princess. And that my brothers and Faye would feel that I have let them down. So, I dressed up and went to Greenbelt church. I went inside the confession room and told the priest what I was about to do. Do you know what he told me? He said to go to the church’s office and have a scheduled counseling. What the F@%#!K? I just told him I was about to kill myself 10 minutes ago! He was an effing priest for god’s sake! Anyways, I went out of the confession booth and went to their parish office and I begged the people inside the office if I could talk to a priest now. I was really crying this time. They dismissed me by giving me a piece of paper to fill up so that they could schedule me. God I was already crying my heart out! How could these people call themselves God’s servants when they clearly cannot see a pathetic girl needing their help? I was led towards the corner by this kind lady. We sat and I talked to her what I was going through. I think I talked for a good one hour. Then she said, she was a cancer patient with nobody to take care of her. I have my family, boyfriend and friends therefore I shouldn’t be feeling that way. I said I don’t understand what’s wrong with me either. I just want to end my life because I was suffering.
This was when my gastro (the doctor), suggested I go to a psychiatrist.
The doctor she suggested was Dr. Paul Lee. When he saw me, he said I have what they call anxiety-depression. This was caused by the chemical imbalanced that happened after the numerous times I have been dehydrated. I was simply clinically depressed. This explains it because I was racking my brains why I’m going through this. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing that big in my life I should be this depressed about. He said that I should take some pills and not do anything stupid because he promised that he would make me better. I said no. I cannot afford his fee with all my medicines that I was already taking for my stomach plus the medicines he wanted me to take. So what he did was to lower his charge from Php 2,500 to Php 1,000 per visit. I realized I was in a so wrong course man! I should have taken up Psychiatry. They get paid a lot! Imagine 1k per visit and there was a pretty long line outside his clinic! Anyway, I agreed because I was desperate to get better.
I had a hard time going through with it because I was ashamed that maybe people would think I was going crazy. My mom wasn’t supportive of me, maybe she cannot accept that her unica hija was going crazy. My dad was a different story. Even living thousands of miles from me, he was very supportive. He sent money for my doctor’s fee and medicines. He called my doctor to know what was really wrong. We realized together that this is also the result of a psychological thing that happened to me when I was a kid. The depression also took its toll with my relationships. The depression made my feelings very sensitive and erratic. I would be quiet one time, happy the next, crying the next time and very mad the next.
I went to Dr Lee 3 times a week. We don’t talk much because I don’t talk at all. He talks with the people who goes with me though. They confirmed to him that I was a very active person before. A total opposite of how I was acting then. He said I just have to keep on drinking the medicines and one day I’d be back to how I was. He also suggested that I go visit my dad in Amsterdam because a change of environment was good for me.
He was right. Armed with all my medicines I went to my dad’s. A change of environment really did me good. I started laughing again and doing stuff I liked. I learned not to feel guilty of this condition because I am not the only one who has it. This illness is not a sign of weakness. With the help of medicines and friends, it will one day go away. I had occasional anxiety attacks when I was there though, but whenever I feel that, I call up Dicky in Manila and everything would be well again. After spending five months in Europe, I went back to Manila. From the airport, when I laid down my bed, I threw up big time after and started palpitating again. Dr Lee said it was a post trauma. I had to re-arrange my room because it reminded my of what I went through before I left for Europe. I continued seeing him for another six months because we had to withdraw the medicines slowly. It was so frustrating but my goal was never to return to that state again. Eventually, things returned to normal. I am just scared because they said, this could still be triggered by something tragic. Like what I’ve said, I never want to return to that state again.
I am very much thankful for those who stayed by my side during that time. Peachy and Vivian, my girlfriends and friends who supported me all the way. That kind lady at Greenbelt church who I talked to. Of course, Dicky, who would pick me up wherever I was after his work, go with me to mass (which I attended regularly) and almost camp in my bed every night because I was afraid of being left alone. He who was patient enough put up with all my shitty stuff during that time. He who also never gave up on me and believed that I would be able to pull through. I thank you very much.
Just how Celine Lopez puts it: it’s really hard to explain this condition to people who don’t have it. It doesn’t have physical signs to warrant an alarmed reaction and to be legit. Depression gives you a dull ache that may manifest itself in psychosomatic symptoms such as backaches and migraines. It is easy to dismiss it as being moody or a drama queen. But in reality, this is an illness. Though, I have stopped taking my medicines, I feel that I still battle it every now and then. I still have my good days and bad ones. This year I felt close in drowning in it again after I lost someone I love but I fought it. There a lot of people or things that would disappoint you but you have only yourself to rely on to deal with it. Do not set very high expectations for yourself and others. Accept people as they are. Again like what I have said before, depression isn’t a sign of weakness. It is an illness you have to admit you have and have yourself treated.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Happy Hormones
* Eating Green Tea FIC Ice Cream
* Watching the sunset in Fort Ilocandia, Ilocos Norte
* Having a very professional looking photo by a friend
* Pancit canton with pandesal and sprite – anytime
* A rare shopping day with my non-shopaholic brother
* When an ex tells you that “YOU’RE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND I HAD”
* Buying a new Ericsson K800i after making “tiyaga” with a super outdated phone for so long!
* A tight hug after a long day
* Hearing a heartfelt “I Missed You”
* Receiving a serious “I’m always here for you, nana” text
* Eating a 25 peso adobo with rice in a “carinderia” with someone close
* Being called Engineer instead of Fleur by colleagues
* Clients who tell me they can’t believe I’m already an engineer
* Walking along the beach in Den Haag with Papa
* No brainer fun chick flicks like: Clueless, Bring It On, Legally Blond, Princess Diaries, Prince and Me
* Sharing a Holy Kettle Popcorn
* Catching up “kwentuhan” with your best friend at Coffee Bean
* A really hard massage
* MVP and mythical 6 awards in volleyball
* A 4.0 grade in college and in my master’s
* Catching your “used-to-be” looking at you
* Calling your special someone in Manila while on top of the Eiffel Tower
* Peanut butter with banana
* Banana dipped in soy sauce or “patis”
*Walking under the rain while sharing one umbrella
* The Mona Lisa painting staring back at you
* Boat rides in Venice
* Choc-nut and M&M’s
* Mama’s freshly baked chocolate chips cookies
* Someone playing with your hair
* Green Tea Frapuccino with Hazelnut Syrup
* A really good cry after a breakup
* An hour at the Adoration Chapel
* Winning a close 5 set volleyball game
* Prison Break Marathons
* Second Chances
* Subconsciously holding hands while walking
* The view of the Taal Lake from your room or from the second floor of Starbucks
* Tokens dropping from YOUR slot machines
* Cleaning up your PENDING TRAY after a hard day’s work
* Magic Tricks of my brother
* Someone explaining to you the stuff you don’t understand in the movie, “Pirates of the Caribbean 2”
* My Tita Nene’s lasagna
* Sleeping while someone’s hugging you from behind
* Having new Havaianas
* Burying my face in someone’s neck
* Smell of the fabric softener on my clothes in the morning
* Seeing a gentleman give up his seat for a lady
* Walking around the mall carrying a lot of shopping bags
* Via Mare’s Spicy Tuyo Flakes
* Meeting up with an old friend, catching up without realizing how late it already is
* Entering the Vatican Church
* Seeing the Pope in person
* A surprise of balloon hanging in the ceiling of my room during Valentines
* A beautiful Spring flowers arrangement
* Meeting your special someone’s family
* Playing with babies
* First time commuting around Paris on your own
* Discovering a secret
* Watching the sunset in Fort Ilocandia, Ilocos Norte
* Having a very professional looking photo by a friend
* Pancit canton with pandesal and sprite – anytime
* A rare shopping day with my non-shopaholic brother
* When an ex tells you that “YOU’RE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND I HAD”
* Buying a new Ericsson K800i after making “tiyaga” with a super outdated phone for so long!
* A tight hug after a long day
* Hearing a heartfelt “I Missed You”
* Receiving a serious “I’m always here for you, nana” text
* Eating a 25 peso adobo with rice in a “carinderia” with someone close
* Being called Engineer instead of Fleur by colleagues
* Clients who tell me they can’t believe I’m already an engineer
* Walking along the beach in Den Haag with Papa
* No brainer fun chick flicks like: Clueless, Bring It On, Legally Blond, Princess Diaries, Prince and Me
* Sharing a Holy Kettle Popcorn
* Catching up “kwentuhan” with your best friend at Coffee Bean
* A really hard massage
* MVP and mythical 6 awards in volleyball
* A 4.0 grade in college and in my master’s
* Catching your “used-to-be” looking at you
* Calling your special someone in Manila while on top of the Eiffel Tower
* Peanut butter with banana
* Banana dipped in soy sauce or “patis”
*Walking under the rain while sharing one umbrella
* The Mona Lisa painting staring back at you
* Boat rides in Venice
* Choc-nut and M&M’s
* Mama’s freshly baked chocolate chips cookies
* Someone playing with your hair
* Green Tea Frapuccino with Hazelnut Syrup
* A really good cry after a breakup
* An hour at the Adoration Chapel
* Winning a close 5 set volleyball game
* Prison Break Marathons
* Second Chances
* Subconsciously holding hands while walking
* The view of the Taal Lake from your room or from the second floor of Starbucks
* Tokens dropping from YOUR slot machines
* Cleaning up your PENDING TRAY after a hard day’s work
* Magic Tricks of my brother
* Someone explaining to you the stuff you don’t understand in the movie, “Pirates of the Caribbean 2”
* My Tita Nene’s lasagna
* Sleeping while someone’s hugging you from behind
* Having new Havaianas
* Burying my face in someone’s neck
* Smell of the fabric softener on my clothes in the morning
* Seeing a gentleman give up his seat for a lady
* Walking around the mall carrying a lot of shopping bags
* Via Mare’s Spicy Tuyo Flakes
* Meeting up with an old friend, catching up without realizing how late it already is
* Entering the Vatican Church
* Seeing the Pope in person
* A surprise of balloon hanging in the ceiling of my room during Valentines
* A beautiful Spring flowers arrangement
* Meeting your special someone’s family
* Playing with babies
* First time commuting around Paris on your own
* Discovering a secret
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Is This The Feeling Of Letting Go
How do you let go? Or how would you know if you have already let go of a person dear to you?
I met up with a close friend recently at Coffee Bean at High Street. This meeting was long overdue. We haven’t seen each other for quite some time. When I arrived inside the coffee shop, we exchanged beso and I asked if we could transfer outside because it was cold where she was sitting. So she got her things and we went outside. When I was just about to sit down, my friend blurted out, “Fleur, break na kami.” At first I was shocked and the first thing that came out of my my mouth was “Wa-what? Pero wait, I just have to tell you, pumapayat ka ha?” (Totoo naman kasi e) Then immediately after, I said again, “What? When? How?” No why’s. Because I already knew the reason.
Few weeks before, my friend made kwento that she had a feeling her boyfriend was cheating on her. So naturally, like what ALL NORMAL girls would do, she checked his phone. And there it was… All 100++ messages of the girl, stored in a folder. After the confrontation and admission (on his part), they tried working things out, all because of their love for each other. But of course, if the trust is already broken, it’s really hard to regain in back.
So back to my meeting with my friend. She told her boyfriend (now her ex) that she wants out because she can’t trust him anymore. The boyfriend cannot accept this and begged her to change his mind. But she was firm. The next day, the ex-boyfriend flew outside the country for a week long business trip. The very same day, the ex texted her. I was like “What did he say mare?” I was thinking that maybe he was still begging or he was telling my friend that when he comes back, he’ll take her to an unlimited shopping spree in Hong Kong. “What?” I asked again, a little impatient this time. “Kung pwede ko ba daw bayaran yung Meralco niya.”, my friend said. Punyeta. How romantic. They had text-banter after that. My friend reminded him that she’s dead serious with her decision. Fine, said the guy. The weird thing is that up until the time my friend and I met (days after that Meralco text), her ex hasn’t texted or communicated with her at all. Weird.
When my friend was telling me this story, I was looking at her. I was searching for any bitterness, anger or self-pity, but there was none. I asked her, “So girl, how are you feeling now? Are you okay?”. Heller, coz she looks pretty fine to me. She said she’s also surprised with her reaction and her current state. She said though she still loves her ex, she really doesn’t want him back. He can’t blame her for not trying because for weeks she really tried to forget what her boyfriend did just so they can continue staying together. She said that she just woke up one day, feeling nothing.
I can relate,man! I had a boyfriend before, a long, long time ago. The relationship tarnished because of something I did. For a while (actually a long time for me), I waited for him to go back. I allowed myself to be his doormat and I allowed myself to be an option for him. There was no one to blame because at that time, I was happy being like that. I was at fault, so fine, I allowed him to treat me that way. But after two consecutive events that left me feeling offended and disrespected (a simple I’m-sorry-for-what-I-made-you-feel text would have made a great deal), I suddenly stopped feeling anything (well, that was 3 days after waking up with a huge hangover). Then I remembered this saying that THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE ISN’T HATE, IT’S INDIFFERENCE. I do not want to jump into conclusions now because I do not want to eat my words later, but that’s it, I cannot feel anything, plain and simple. It was like something in me was switched off. Click! But guys, I tell you, it’s a wonderful feeling.
I no longer think about him everyday. I do not notice that he doesn’t text or call me anymore. I do not dress up thinking I might bump into him later that day. I started appreciating other people more and accepting that there are actually people in my life who would want to treat me better. And ang pinakapanalo, like what my friend said, “Fleur, I do not cry anymore. And I do not wake up anymore just to cry.” Weird, but very liberating.
Is this the feeling of letting go?
I met up with a close friend recently at Coffee Bean at High Street. This meeting was long overdue. We haven’t seen each other for quite some time. When I arrived inside the coffee shop, we exchanged beso and I asked if we could transfer outside because it was cold where she was sitting. So she got her things and we went outside. When I was just about to sit down, my friend blurted out, “Fleur, break na kami.” At first I was shocked and the first thing that came out of my my mouth was “Wa-what? Pero wait, I just have to tell you, pumapayat ka ha?” (Totoo naman kasi e) Then immediately after, I said again, “What? When? How?” No why’s. Because I already knew the reason.
Few weeks before, my friend made kwento that she had a feeling her boyfriend was cheating on her. So naturally, like what ALL NORMAL girls would do, she checked his phone. And there it was… All 100++ messages of the girl, stored in a folder. After the confrontation and admission (on his part), they tried working things out, all because of their love for each other. But of course, if the trust is already broken, it’s really hard to regain in back.
So back to my meeting with my friend. She told her boyfriend (now her ex) that she wants out because she can’t trust him anymore. The boyfriend cannot accept this and begged her to change his mind. But she was firm. The next day, the ex-boyfriend flew outside the country for a week long business trip. The very same day, the ex texted her. I was like “What did he say mare?” I was thinking that maybe he was still begging or he was telling my friend that when he comes back, he’ll take her to an unlimited shopping spree in Hong Kong. “What?” I asked again, a little impatient this time. “Kung pwede ko ba daw bayaran yung Meralco niya.”, my friend said. Punyeta. How romantic. They had text-banter after that. My friend reminded him that she’s dead serious with her decision. Fine, said the guy. The weird thing is that up until the time my friend and I met (days after that Meralco text), her ex hasn’t texted or communicated with her at all. Weird.
When my friend was telling me this story, I was looking at her. I was searching for any bitterness, anger or self-pity, but there was none. I asked her, “So girl, how are you feeling now? Are you okay?”. Heller, coz she looks pretty fine to me. She said she’s also surprised with her reaction and her current state. She said though she still loves her ex, she really doesn’t want him back. He can’t blame her for not trying because for weeks she really tried to forget what her boyfriend did just so they can continue staying together. She said that she just woke up one day, feeling nothing.
I can relate,man! I had a boyfriend before, a long, long time ago. The relationship tarnished because of something I did. For a while (actually a long time for me), I waited for him to go back. I allowed myself to be his doormat and I allowed myself to be an option for him. There was no one to blame because at that time, I was happy being like that. I was at fault, so fine, I allowed him to treat me that way. But after two consecutive events that left me feeling offended and disrespected (a simple I’m-sorry-for-what-I-made-you-feel text would have made a great deal), I suddenly stopped feeling anything (well, that was 3 days after waking up with a huge hangover). Then I remembered this saying that THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE ISN’T HATE, IT’S INDIFFERENCE. I do not want to jump into conclusions now because I do not want to eat my words later, but that’s it, I cannot feel anything, plain and simple. It was like something in me was switched off. Click! But guys, I tell you, it’s a wonderful feeling.
I no longer think about him everyday. I do not notice that he doesn’t text or call me anymore. I do not dress up thinking I might bump into him later that day. I started appreciating other people more and accepting that there are actually people in my life who would want to treat me better. And ang pinakapanalo, like what my friend said, “Fleur, I do not cry anymore. And I do not wake up anymore just to cry.” Weird, but very liberating.
Is this the feeling of letting go?
Sunday, May 20, 2007
NANA TRIVIA
* I like shopping. Duh! I haven’t encountered any girl who despises shopping. It’s therapeutic. It releases negative vibes in your body and adds to the endorphins (happy hormones) that you need. First, I go around the whole mall to see what I could buy. Then, I go around again to actually buy stuff.
* I like reminiscing. During Christmas, my friends in Moonwalk have this tradition to meet up at Jay’s house usually to drink and eat Noche Buena leftovers for pulutan. We always have a good time reminiscing all the “kalokohans” that we did when we were still young. Of course, they never fail to repeatedly embarrass me with their stories of my so-called suitors before. Good times.
* I hate it when there is no ice in the ice trays whenever I need them.
* I like eating my soup, main course and dessert all at the same time. I also eat ice cream and chocolates with rice.
* I drink water a lot. When people ask me why I’m thin, I tell them that I drink a lot of water and by the time I take my meals, I’m already full. It also helps my digestion because I have weird shaped intestines.
* I’ve had so many boyfriends but I have only been truly in love twice in my entire life.
* I have failed only one subject since nursery to college. It was Quantitative Methods (Statistics) because the professor was so hot. Joke only, Papa. It was really hard talaga. Hehehe.
*The longest I have driven is from Naga (Bicol) to Manila. Next was from Tarlac to Ilocos Sur.
* All throughout my volleyball career, I was only awarded the Best Tosser Award once. That was during the SK-Barangay League in Moonwalk. I already have a MVP award from a prestigious league and a couple of mythical 6 medals but until now, I still long to receive one more Best Tosser Award.
* I often talk first before I think.
* I’ve had anxiety depression. The toughest time that I have ever gone through.
* I usually like the guy first. I can carry a crush for the longest time. I’ll know that it’s not love if when the time comes and they like me already, I get turned off na.
* I hope chivalry is not dead amongst men. I still enjoy car doors being opened for me.
* I still palpitate when I hear the word marriage. Yeah, JP & I are still like that, aren’t we?
* I have tornado in my hair.
* I always delay myself in going home. I don’t actually know why, force of habit I guess. When I was still young, I was always out of the house. Now, I don’t really want to go out and go gimmick all the time but I also do not want to go home as soon as I get out of office. Weird.
* I’m so slow in manual arithmetic. I still count with my fingers. But give me long complicated mathematical problems, no problem.
* I’m afraid of going to hospitals because I’m a hypochondriac. Also because, I do not want to see rolling beds along the hallways. It creeps the hell out of me!
* I had the worst Christmas, New Year and Birthday last year (2006 & 2007).
* I have been to Arizona, LA, Montana, Las Vegas, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Spain, Venice, Florence, Rome, Amsterdam, The Hague, Paris, Antwerp, Brussels, Germany and Austria.
* My actual height does not reach 5 feet. It’s ¼ inch short.
* I consider myself as a liberated girl. However, I can never tolerate & accept men sleeping with paid women.
* I’d like to experience to walk holding hands with a special someone in the beach during sun set.
* I hate it when I text people and they don’t reply. Am I not worth the piso?
* I’m an occasions person.
* I like reminiscing. During Christmas, my friends in Moonwalk have this tradition to meet up at Jay’s house usually to drink and eat Noche Buena leftovers for pulutan. We always have a good time reminiscing all the “kalokohans” that we did when we were still young. Of course, they never fail to repeatedly embarrass me with their stories of my so-called suitors before. Good times.
* I hate it when there is no ice in the ice trays whenever I need them.
* I like eating my soup, main course and dessert all at the same time. I also eat ice cream and chocolates with rice.
* I drink water a lot. When people ask me why I’m thin, I tell them that I drink a lot of water and by the time I take my meals, I’m already full. It also helps my digestion because I have weird shaped intestines.
* I’ve had so many boyfriends but I have only been truly in love twice in my entire life.
* I have failed only one subject since nursery to college. It was Quantitative Methods (Statistics) because the professor was so hot. Joke only, Papa. It was really hard talaga. Hehehe.
*The longest I have driven is from Naga (Bicol) to Manila. Next was from Tarlac to Ilocos Sur.
* All throughout my volleyball career, I was only awarded the Best Tosser Award once. That was during the SK-Barangay League in Moonwalk. I already have a MVP award from a prestigious league and a couple of mythical 6 medals but until now, I still long to receive one more Best Tosser Award.
* I often talk first before I think.
* I’ve had anxiety depression. The toughest time that I have ever gone through.
* I usually like the guy first. I can carry a crush for the longest time. I’ll know that it’s not love if when the time comes and they like me already, I get turned off na.
* I hope chivalry is not dead amongst men. I still enjoy car doors being opened for me.
* I still palpitate when I hear the word marriage. Yeah, JP & I are still like that, aren’t we?
* I have tornado in my hair.
* I always delay myself in going home. I don’t actually know why, force of habit I guess. When I was still young, I was always out of the house. Now, I don’t really want to go out and go gimmick all the time but I also do not want to go home as soon as I get out of office. Weird.
* I’m so slow in manual arithmetic. I still count with my fingers. But give me long complicated mathematical problems, no problem.
* I’m afraid of going to hospitals because I’m a hypochondriac. Also because, I do not want to see rolling beds along the hallways. It creeps the hell out of me!
* I had the worst Christmas, New Year and Birthday last year (2006 & 2007).
* I have been to Arizona, LA, Montana, Las Vegas, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Spain, Venice, Florence, Rome, Amsterdam, The Hague, Paris, Antwerp, Brussels, Germany and Austria.
* My actual height does not reach 5 feet. It’s ¼ inch short.
* I consider myself as a liberated girl. However, I can never tolerate & accept men sleeping with paid women.
* I’d like to experience to walk holding hands with a special someone in the beach during sun set.
* I hate it when I text people and they don’t reply. Am I not worth the piso?
* I’m an occasions person.
~*~ Wishes ~*~
1.) I wish Philippine Airlines didn’t close their offices in Europe. This way, Papa would still be in a job that he loves doing and have all the benefits especially the free airfare. I remember before, Papa can go back and forth anytime he wishes. So it’s like, he’s working at the other side of the globe but whenever he feels like it, he can go back home even for a weekend. This way, we still get to see him often unlike now, it’s been months since I last saw him and I’m missing him so much!
2.) I wish I have the time, guts and money to start & continue the business that I really love: WEDDING COORDINATION. They said that work would stop feeling like work if you love what you’re doing. I envy those people who since they were kids, they already know what they wanted to do in their life. Unlike me, at first, I wanted to be a grocery cashier, then a TV personality, then a lawyer, then at college, I took up Civil Engineering because I heard the ratio of boys to girls in that course was 10:1. Don’t get me wrong though. I learned to love my field along the way. And I believe, it has been good to me too (well except for the female discrimination every now and then). But what I really want is to be a wedding coordinator. I cannot just explain the euphoria-slash-giddiness-slash-throat constricting feeling that I feel every time I see my brides walk to the altar and every time I see the look on the groom’s face when he first sees his bride. I cannot also explain to you the fulfillment that I feel for every thank you’s of these newlywed couples after each wedding.
3.) I wish people would stop asking me if my wedding for 2008 will push through. I get pressured noh! Alright! Alright! Aside from the fact that it was my long time goal, recently, somebody made “hula” that I’d get married on the age of 28. That is already next year. The problem is that I still do not know to whom. Well, maybe I do, he just doesn’t know it yet. You see, I’m doing my part naman. I called up a Santuario in Forbes to reserve the August 8, 2008 date for my wedding. I was willing to pay the reservation fee, mind you. They asked for the names so naturally I gave mine. They asked my groom to be. See, that was my problem. I told the girl I’m still not sure and if it was possible to give my then boyfriend’s name first and I’ll just change it if ever we don’t end up together. Not possible, she said. Fine. So now, I don’t care. I’m not in a hurry anymore. I realized if I’m going to get married to someone and spend the rest of my life with him then I guess he’d be worth the wait.
4.) I wish my Vitiligo would go away. It’s summer and I’m getting tanned except for that spot in my face. It wasn’t bothering me before but it’s sure hell bothering me now!
5.) I wish I could try living alone, independently. Mama said I could as long as I don’t bring my laundry to her house and ask our maid to wash my clothes for me. As you all know, I have been dependent on other people all my life. I wanna learn to be independent starting with living alone. However, as much as I want to, my financial state prevents me from doing so. If I live alone, I have to start paying rent. I have to have my laundry washed (since I can’t bring it home). I have to buy a TV, a sofa bed, nice rugs, electric fan, throw pillows, mini ref, DVD player, that pretty mosquito net like Faye’s, picture frames, scented candles, mini table, vanity table, closet, shoe rack, bag rack and a microwave. Those are pretty expensive. Then, I always have to eat outside coz I can’t cook even to save my life. I would have to start buying groceries. I have to start paying for electricity and water. Yeah, pretty expensive. Thinking ahead, I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy clothes whenever I want to. Imagine, no maid to fix my room, no more extra money for gimiks, movies and other fun stuff. With all these, I believe emotionally I’m ready to be independent but my wallet prevents me in doing so hehehe.
6.) I wish people would feel what they say and say what they feel. Especially in love, it would make things a lot less complicated. For example, if you love somebody, just say it! So what if she’s rich and you’re not, or he’s a god but you’re just average or, you think she wouldn’t give you the time of the day or you guys are always busy? In some other cases, if you don’t feel anything towards a person, never do or say things that would make that person feel otherwise. Do not be selfish. Think about what the other person would feel. Never use a person for your own benefit. Do not take advantage of their love for you. People like this do not deserve their share of breathing air in this planet.
7.) I wish they’d relocate Divisoria and the 168 mall nearer to Makati. Or, construct a flyover from Makati to Divisoria where only shoppers could pass to prevent them being stuck in horrible traffic on their way there.
8.) I wish to have a centralized commuting system at least for Metro Manila. Air conditioned buses and jeepneys would arrive only at certain pick up points (called BUS OR JEEPNEY STATIONS) at certain periods of time. I tell you, less traffic, less hassle and less pressure for commuters would come out of this.
9.) I wish I would not love and hate one person at the same time.
10.) I wish for my perfect love story.
11.) I wish Havaianas would go 50% off and would take me to wherever they stock all their flip flops so that I could shop ahead of all other people. Heaven!!!
12.) I wish Michael Scoffield of Prison Break to come to life and fall in love with me. Have you guys seen Prison Break? My God! If yes, then you have seen my dream guy. He has it all. Kalbo, beautiful and intense eyes, perfect nose, luscious mouth, nice set of teeth, smart, intelligent and gorgeous-but-I-don’t-know-it aura. I promise if that happens, I’ll donate to charity, be a saint, make my own bed or if required, stop buying Havaianas!
13.) I wish I could keep all of my close friends forever. I have a lot of friends. Check my Friendster, I’ve got 700++ of them. But what they do not know, my real friends are only a handful. Only they have been with me through all my ups and downs. They have seen me in my euphoric days and they were with me through those depressing times. They have accepted and loved me for who I truly am, issues and everything. Yeah, I have lost some very close friends too. Some who I have placed in the pedestal but along the way, we fell out. Maybe because our friendship didn’t survive the lack of time for each other, unresolved issues or we never really got to accept the real us in the first place. I just always think that maybe that’s how we were supposed to be. Some friends who I would like to mention here are: Peachy (my bestfriend), Vivian, Abby Lim, my Moonwalk childhood friends (Janice, Jay, Joshua, Niggs and Alvin), Erwin, Boyet, Marianne, Jimmy, Mabel, Ai and Xerxes.
14.) I wish for contentment, good health and long life to my family and loved ones.
15.) I wish for contentment for myself too.
2.) I wish I have the time, guts and money to start & continue the business that I really love: WEDDING COORDINATION. They said that work would stop feeling like work if you love what you’re doing. I envy those people who since they were kids, they already know what they wanted to do in their life. Unlike me, at first, I wanted to be a grocery cashier, then a TV personality, then a lawyer, then at college, I took up Civil Engineering because I heard the ratio of boys to girls in that course was 10:1. Don’t get me wrong though. I learned to love my field along the way. And I believe, it has been good to me too (well except for the female discrimination every now and then). But what I really want is to be a wedding coordinator. I cannot just explain the euphoria-slash-giddiness-slash-throat constricting feeling that I feel every time I see my brides walk to the altar and every time I see the look on the groom’s face when he first sees his bride. I cannot also explain to you the fulfillment that I feel for every thank you’s of these newlywed couples after each wedding.
3.) I wish people would stop asking me if my wedding for 2008 will push through. I get pressured noh! Alright! Alright! Aside from the fact that it was my long time goal, recently, somebody made “hula” that I’d get married on the age of 28. That is already next year. The problem is that I still do not know to whom. Well, maybe I do, he just doesn’t know it yet. You see, I’m doing my part naman. I called up a Santuario in Forbes to reserve the August 8, 2008 date for my wedding. I was willing to pay the reservation fee, mind you. They asked for the names so naturally I gave mine. They asked my groom to be. See, that was my problem. I told the girl I’m still not sure and if it was possible to give my then boyfriend’s name first and I’ll just change it if ever we don’t end up together. Not possible, she said. Fine. So now, I don’t care. I’m not in a hurry anymore. I realized if I’m going to get married to someone and spend the rest of my life with him then I guess he’d be worth the wait.
4.) I wish my Vitiligo would go away. It’s summer and I’m getting tanned except for that spot in my face. It wasn’t bothering me before but it’s sure hell bothering me now!
5.) I wish I could try living alone, independently. Mama said I could as long as I don’t bring my laundry to her house and ask our maid to wash my clothes for me. As you all know, I have been dependent on other people all my life. I wanna learn to be independent starting with living alone. However, as much as I want to, my financial state prevents me from doing so. If I live alone, I have to start paying rent. I have to have my laundry washed (since I can’t bring it home). I have to buy a TV, a sofa bed, nice rugs, electric fan, throw pillows, mini ref, DVD player, that pretty mosquito net like Faye’s, picture frames, scented candles, mini table, vanity table, closet, shoe rack, bag rack and a microwave. Those are pretty expensive. Then, I always have to eat outside coz I can’t cook even to save my life. I would have to start buying groceries. I have to start paying for electricity and water. Yeah, pretty expensive. Thinking ahead, I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy clothes whenever I want to. Imagine, no maid to fix my room, no more extra money for gimiks, movies and other fun stuff. With all these, I believe emotionally I’m ready to be independent but my wallet prevents me in doing so hehehe.
6.) I wish people would feel what they say and say what they feel. Especially in love, it would make things a lot less complicated. For example, if you love somebody, just say it! So what if she’s rich and you’re not, or he’s a god but you’re just average or, you think she wouldn’t give you the time of the day or you guys are always busy? In some other cases, if you don’t feel anything towards a person, never do or say things that would make that person feel otherwise. Do not be selfish. Think about what the other person would feel. Never use a person for your own benefit. Do not take advantage of their love for you. People like this do not deserve their share of breathing air in this planet.
7.) I wish they’d relocate Divisoria and the 168 mall nearer to Makati. Or, construct a flyover from Makati to Divisoria where only shoppers could pass to prevent them being stuck in horrible traffic on their way there.
8.) I wish to have a centralized commuting system at least for Metro Manila. Air conditioned buses and jeepneys would arrive only at certain pick up points (called BUS OR JEEPNEY STATIONS) at certain periods of time. I tell you, less traffic, less hassle and less pressure for commuters would come out of this.
9.) I wish I would not love and hate one person at the same time.
10.) I wish for my perfect love story.
11.) I wish Havaianas would go 50% off and would take me to wherever they stock all their flip flops so that I could shop ahead of all other people. Heaven!!!
12.) I wish Michael Scoffield of Prison Break to come to life and fall in love with me. Have you guys seen Prison Break? My God! If yes, then you have seen my dream guy. He has it all. Kalbo, beautiful and intense eyes, perfect nose, luscious mouth, nice set of teeth, smart, intelligent and gorgeous-but-I-don’t-know-it aura. I promise if that happens, I’ll donate to charity, be a saint, make my own bed or if required, stop buying Havaianas!
13.) I wish I could keep all of my close friends forever. I have a lot of friends. Check my Friendster, I’ve got 700++ of them. But what they do not know, my real friends are only a handful. Only they have been with me through all my ups and downs. They have seen me in my euphoric days and they were with me through those depressing times. They have accepted and loved me for who I truly am, issues and everything. Yeah, I have lost some very close friends too. Some who I have placed in the pedestal but along the way, we fell out. Maybe because our friendship didn’t survive the lack of time for each other, unresolved issues or we never really got to accept the real us in the first place. I just always think that maybe that’s how we were supposed to be. Some friends who I would like to mention here are: Peachy (my bestfriend), Vivian, Abby Lim, my Moonwalk childhood friends (Janice, Jay, Joshua, Niggs and Alvin), Erwin, Boyet, Marianne, Jimmy, Mabel, Ai and Xerxes.
14.) I wish for contentment, good health and long life to my family and loved ones.
15.) I wish for contentment for myself too.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Favorite Quotes
1.) FROM FAYE: “No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it’s by work. No one falls out of love by chance, it’s by choice..”
- This is one of my personal favorites because I never analyzed it that way before. Only you can decide who to stay or go in your life. Only with your permission can other people continuously hurt you. It’s true also that time can make you forget but still at the end of the day, you’ll be the one to decide about it
2.) FROM TIFFANY: “Ang pag-ibig ay parang imburnal. Nakakatakot mahulog... At pag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or sadyang tanga ka lang.“
- in English: Love is like a canal. It’s scary to fall into it. And if ever you fall, it’s either by accident or you’re just stupid!
3.) FROM BATO: “Anong gagawin mo sa bagay na nawawala? Hinahanap. Kung di mo mahanap. Pinapalitan. Kung di mo mapalitan? Kinakalimutan. Eto ngayon ang tanong... Ano gagawin mo sa bagay na nawawala, na di mo mahanap, di mo mapalitan at di mo makalimutan?"
- for your answers, kindly text me.. hehehehe
4.) FROM ALVIN: “Love is like a roll of tissue paper. You’ll never know how much you’ve wasted till you reach the end and there’s none left. Then it’s sad to realize that much of it was wasted on SHIT after all…”
- At first read, this quote sounds really bitter. But closely, it has sense. You fall in love then after it ends, you dwell on that someone you lost. Then when this really great person comes, you wouldn’t care shit about that ex. You’d begin to realize you absolutely wasted time, effort and tears to someone not really worth it. Yeah, I know.. Bitter… hehehe
5.) FROM YNA: “Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing, coz maybe someday you’ll realize that the one you gave away was the very thing you’ve been wishing for to stay”
- Remember, nasa huli lagi pagsisisi…
6.) FROM VIC: ”Sometimes you got to run away to see who will run after you. Sometimes you got to talk quietly to see who’s really listening. Sometimes you got to step up to fight only to see who’s standing by your side. Sometimes you got to make a wrong decision only to see who’s there to help you fix it. Sometimes you got to let go of the one you love just to see if they love you enough to come back to you.”
7.) FROM MY: “Prayer of women to God: I pray for WISDOM to understand my man; LOVE to forgive him; PATIENCE for his moods, because if I ask for STRENGTH, I will beat him to death..” =)
- This is one of my personal favorites because I never analyzed it that way before. Only you can decide who to stay or go in your life. Only with your permission can other people continuously hurt you. It’s true also that time can make you forget but still at the end of the day, you’ll be the one to decide about it
2.) FROM TIFFANY: “Ang pag-ibig ay parang imburnal. Nakakatakot mahulog... At pag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or sadyang tanga ka lang.“
- in English: Love is like a canal. It’s scary to fall into it. And if ever you fall, it’s either by accident or you’re just stupid!
3.) FROM BATO: “Anong gagawin mo sa bagay na nawawala? Hinahanap. Kung di mo mahanap. Pinapalitan. Kung di mo mapalitan? Kinakalimutan. Eto ngayon ang tanong... Ano gagawin mo sa bagay na nawawala, na di mo mahanap, di mo mapalitan at di mo makalimutan?"
- for your answers, kindly text me.. hehehehe
4.) FROM ALVIN: “Love is like a roll of tissue paper. You’ll never know how much you’ve wasted till you reach the end and there’s none left. Then it’s sad to realize that much of it was wasted on SHIT after all…”
- At first read, this quote sounds really bitter. But closely, it has sense. You fall in love then after it ends, you dwell on that someone you lost. Then when this really great person comes, you wouldn’t care shit about that ex. You’d begin to realize you absolutely wasted time, effort and tears to someone not really worth it. Yeah, I know.. Bitter… hehehe
5.) FROM YNA: “Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing, coz maybe someday you’ll realize that the one you gave away was the very thing you’ve been wishing for to stay”
- Remember, nasa huli lagi pagsisisi…
6.) FROM VIC: ”Sometimes you got to run away to see who will run after you. Sometimes you got to talk quietly to see who’s really listening. Sometimes you got to step up to fight only to see who’s standing by your side. Sometimes you got to make a wrong decision only to see who’s there to help you fix it. Sometimes you got to let go of the one you love just to see if they love you enough to come back to you.”
7.) FROM MY: “Prayer of women to God: I pray for WISDOM to understand my man; LOVE to forgive him; PATIENCE for his moods, because if I ask for STRENGTH, I will beat him to death..” =)
Monday, May 14, 2007
Tribute To My Mama
My mom isn’t the typical mother you usually find at home. For as long as I remember, she was always out. She’s a career woman, you know. We never almost got to see her, either she was always in a hurry in leaving the house for work in the morning or arrives home when we’re all asleep. It didn’t help also that she left our house when she and papa separated. My brothers and I were left with the care of our yayas and eventually, our Tita Judith came to take care of us.
I always envied my friends’ moms. When I was in kindergarten, my teacher would give recognition to the neatest girl and boy in class everyday. I longed to see my name in that blackboard but she never chose me because I didn’t have somebody to fix my hair before I go to school. What I did was, I brought my hairclips and asked our bus mother to do my hair on the school bus on the way. She didn’t choose me that day and I thought because she knew it wasn’t my mom who did my hair. I stopped trying ever since.
She also wasn’t there when I went up the stage to get my yearly certificates. She wasn’t there most of the Parent’s Day at school. She wasn’t there during the grand Jubilee Celebration at high school where I was part of. And she wasn’t there when I received my MVP award for the Catholic Education Association of the Philippines volleyball league. These were only SOME of the instances in my life that she wasn’t there. She would always say that she has appointments that day. She was so busy I guess. She would just give me toys and when I reached my teenage years, would just give me money to spend. I guess this is one of the ways she can make “bawi” for her lack of time. These are also the reason why I always want to spend time at my friends’ homes. I would bask the attention their mothers shower us. While my other teammates have their moms constantly cheering them on during games, I have my boyfriends in the stands. I relied on my friends to go with me to malls and talk to them about my secrets.
But come to think of it and in fairness to her, I know she tried. She left notes in my room and I would read them over and over when I wake up. I would love the smell of her perfume on me after she hugs me. Sometimes, she would drive all the way to my school just to get my letters for her because that’s the only time we could communicate. During the rare free times, she would take us biking at CCP, go shopping or take us out to eat. I savor these moments when we were with her because I wouldn’t know how long we could spend time with each other again. She would lecture, nay, nag me about almost all the lessons in life: how to be strong and never let others take advantage of you, to finish school and not get myself pregnant on the way, how not to give everything when loving someone, how to be punctual and respect other people’s time, how to take good care of my skin, how to breathe properly when I’m palpitating and a lot more.
The weird thing is that though she was always not visible, but I can always feel that she’s there. During my teenage days, when I’m out, there’s this beeper message from her telling me to go home. She established this rule that I can only take phone calls during weekdays at 8:30 to 9pm, after that I have to be asleep already. My boyfriends can never go to our house when she’s not around. And when passion is getting a little bit too far with my boyfriends, believe it or not, I can almost hear her nagging me in the background and with that, I stop myself.
Now that we’re grown ups, I appreciate her more. I became grateful for all the nagging she gave me because it helped me cope up in the real world outside. I also appreciate the time (only this year) when this guy broke my heart. When I woke up after the breakup, I went to her room while she was getting ready for work. I cried my pitiful heart out while she held me. I felt better after that. I knew that no matter how many people would come and go in my life, my mom would always be there and would never leave me. Of course, me, raiding her beauty products in her room also has its benefits. It’s like having a beauty bar where I can try all the products without the guilt of buying any. I appreciate also her bailing me out every time I get caught by police people while driving. She never tells me what she says on the phone to the policeman that lets me off the hook. But still, I’m grateful. And whenever I get hospitalized, she doesn’t stay with me. I have my good friends, and usually my then boyfriend, stay with me. But, whenever I have to checkout of the hospital, she’ll be the one to do that. Siyempre, with nagging like, I should’ve taken care myself more so that she wouldn’t have to leave work just to bring me home. Pissed off, I know, but still, at the end of the day, she’s there to bring me home.
With all these, I could never exchange my mom with anyone else’s. She may not be perfect but that’s who she is. She loves us and I know, no matter what her issues are, she will always be there for me.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms!!!!
I always envied my friends’ moms. When I was in kindergarten, my teacher would give recognition to the neatest girl and boy in class everyday. I longed to see my name in that blackboard but she never chose me because I didn’t have somebody to fix my hair before I go to school. What I did was, I brought my hairclips and asked our bus mother to do my hair on the school bus on the way. She didn’t choose me that day and I thought because she knew it wasn’t my mom who did my hair. I stopped trying ever since.
She also wasn’t there when I went up the stage to get my yearly certificates. She wasn’t there most of the Parent’s Day at school. She wasn’t there during the grand Jubilee Celebration at high school where I was part of. And she wasn’t there when I received my MVP award for the Catholic Education Association of the Philippines volleyball league. These were only SOME of the instances in my life that she wasn’t there. She would always say that she has appointments that day. She was so busy I guess. She would just give me toys and when I reached my teenage years, would just give me money to spend. I guess this is one of the ways she can make “bawi” for her lack of time. These are also the reason why I always want to spend time at my friends’ homes. I would bask the attention their mothers shower us. While my other teammates have their moms constantly cheering them on during games, I have my boyfriends in the stands. I relied on my friends to go with me to malls and talk to them about my secrets.
But come to think of it and in fairness to her, I know she tried. She left notes in my room and I would read them over and over when I wake up. I would love the smell of her perfume on me after she hugs me. Sometimes, she would drive all the way to my school just to get my letters for her because that’s the only time we could communicate. During the rare free times, she would take us biking at CCP, go shopping or take us out to eat. I savor these moments when we were with her because I wouldn’t know how long we could spend time with each other again. She would lecture, nay, nag me about almost all the lessons in life: how to be strong and never let others take advantage of you, to finish school and not get myself pregnant on the way, how not to give everything when loving someone, how to be punctual and respect other people’s time, how to take good care of my skin, how to breathe properly when I’m palpitating and a lot more.
The weird thing is that though she was always not visible, but I can always feel that she’s there. During my teenage days, when I’m out, there’s this beeper message from her telling me to go home. She established this rule that I can only take phone calls during weekdays at 8:30 to 9pm, after that I have to be asleep already. My boyfriends can never go to our house when she’s not around. And when passion is getting a little bit too far with my boyfriends, believe it or not, I can almost hear her nagging me in the background and with that, I stop myself.
Now that we’re grown ups, I appreciate her more. I became grateful for all the nagging she gave me because it helped me cope up in the real world outside. I also appreciate the time (only this year) when this guy broke my heart. When I woke up after the breakup, I went to her room while she was getting ready for work. I cried my pitiful heart out while she held me. I felt better after that. I knew that no matter how many people would come and go in my life, my mom would always be there and would never leave me. Of course, me, raiding her beauty products in her room also has its benefits. It’s like having a beauty bar where I can try all the products without the guilt of buying any. I appreciate also her bailing me out every time I get caught by police people while driving. She never tells me what she says on the phone to the policeman that lets me off the hook. But still, I’m grateful. And whenever I get hospitalized, she doesn’t stay with me. I have my good friends, and usually my then boyfriend, stay with me. But, whenever I have to checkout of the hospital, she’ll be the one to do that. Siyempre, with nagging like, I should’ve taken care myself more so that she wouldn’t have to leave work just to bring me home. Pissed off, I know, but still, at the end of the day, she’s there to bring me home.
With all these, I could never exchange my mom with anyone else’s. She may not be perfect but that’s who she is. She loves us and I know, no matter what her issues are, she will always be there for me.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms!!!!
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Soulmates
I came across this really nice blog about soul mates. She wrote: “Soul mates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it’s up to you to make a choice. We may meet our soul mate by chance but loving and staying with our soul mate is still a choice we have to make..”
I believe in soul mates. In fact, I believe that I already met him. I realized that the moment we had our first conversation. First, I was making pa-cute to him but when we got to talk, I got totally engrossed with him: his face, his views in life, his “hirits”. God, he was perfect. Well, like they say, nobody’s perfect, until you fall in love with them. And maybe that’s what happened, I dunno.
My soul mate and I could talk for hours about anything: his goals, my goals, our friends, our family, “chismis” and other random stuff. We could also be somewhere, sitting or lying around and not saying anything, still it felt like we’re having the time of our lives. We have this romantic and comic bond that some couples envy. We enjoyed simple things. To all those who know me, that’s pretty big. I, who cannot eat “isaw” in the streets and who only drinks mineral water, found myself enjoying eating bread called “putok” with cheese whiz and sipping a plastic of sprite, sitting on a street curb in front of a bakery “sa kanto”. When I told my friends, they said that if my mom & dad saw me, they’d probably have a heart attack hehe. And he, the One-Time-Anti-Havaianas-Critic who would almost condemn me for the number of my Havaianas at home and who would always say “Asus! Mas gusto ko pa Spartan ko dyan!”, would now own a pair (which he wears everywhere) and is requesting ANOTHER ONE for his birthday! We learned a lot from each other. Before I met him, all I knew was new clothes, parties and shallow stuff. Now, I think twice before spending. I do not need expensive gimiks to enjoy. On the other hand, I taught him to, you know, once in a while, enjoy the fruits of his labor J.
For a while then, bliss was on our side. I could say those were my happiest days. I never felt so alive and happy before that. Unfortunately for us, timing wasn’t on our side. External stuff affected what we had. Things that at first we didn’t want to consider but now we felt are taking its toll on us. We didn’t know how to cope with it, much less fix it. That was when we separated. It was painful especially knowing that you have already found him. I didn’t want to let go but as the fucking cliché goes, “you have to let go, if he’s yours he’ll come back, if he’s doesn’t, he never was in the first place.”
We still see each other once in a while nowadays. One can never deny the chemistry that is still there between us. I try hard to fight it. I try hard not to hug him and bury my face in his neck to whisper, “Gago ka! You’re my freaking soul mate! Come on, I wanna start all over again. We can do things right this time around. Promise, I’ll never buy another Havaianas if it bothers you so (crossed fingers!).” But no, I see that he’s doing fine, my pride cannot take what my heart wants me to do. I just allow myself to be secretly “kilig” when sometimes I catch him looking at me like he once did.
With all these, the above blog was right. It’s always a choice. Destiny could always shove your soul mate to your face but it’s always you guys who decide if you would stay together.
I believe in soul mates. In fact, I believe that I already met him. I realized that the moment we had our first conversation. First, I was making pa-cute to him but when we got to talk, I got totally engrossed with him: his face, his views in life, his “hirits”. God, he was perfect. Well, like they say, nobody’s perfect, until you fall in love with them. And maybe that’s what happened, I dunno.
My soul mate and I could talk for hours about anything: his goals, my goals, our friends, our family, “chismis” and other random stuff. We could also be somewhere, sitting or lying around and not saying anything, still it felt like we’re having the time of our lives. We have this romantic and comic bond that some couples envy. We enjoyed simple things. To all those who know me, that’s pretty big. I, who cannot eat “isaw” in the streets and who only drinks mineral water, found myself enjoying eating bread called “putok” with cheese whiz and sipping a plastic of sprite, sitting on a street curb in front of a bakery “sa kanto”. When I told my friends, they said that if my mom & dad saw me, they’d probably have a heart attack hehe. And he, the One-Time-Anti-Havaianas-Critic who would almost condemn me for the number of my Havaianas at home and who would always say “Asus! Mas gusto ko pa Spartan ko dyan!”, would now own a pair (which he wears everywhere) and is requesting ANOTHER ONE for his birthday! We learned a lot from each other. Before I met him, all I knew was new clothes, parties and shallow stuff. Now, I think twice before spending. I do not need expensive gimiks to enjoy. On the other hand, I taught him to, you know, once in a while, enjoy the fruits of his labor J.
For a while then, bliss was on our side. I could say those were my happiest days. I never felt so alive and happy before that. Unfortunately for us, timing wasn’t on our side. External stuff affected what we had. Things that at first we didn’t want to consider but now we felt are taking its toll on us. We didn’t know how to cope with it, much less fix it. That was when we separated. It was painful especially knowing that you have already found him. I didn’t want to let go but as the fucking cliché goes, “you have to let go, if he’s yours he’ll come back, if he’s doesn’t, he never was in the first place.”
We still see each other once in a while nowadays. One can never deny the chemistry that is still there between us. I try hard to fight it. I try hard not to hug him and bury my face in his neck to whisper, “Gago ka! You’re my freaking soul mate! Come on, I wanna start all over again. We can do things right this time around. Promise, I’ll never buy another Havaianas if it bothers you so (crossed fingers!).” But no, I see that he’s doing fine, my pride cannot take what my heart wants me to do. I just allow myself to be secretly “kilig” when sometimes I catch him looking at me like he once did.
With all these, the above blog was right. It’s always a choice. Destiny could always shove your soul mate to your face but it’s always you guys who decide if you would stay together.
A NIGHT IN NANA’S SINGLE LIFE
I’ve been single for quite sometime now… A first for me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a boyfriend so all these are pretty like new to me J. Going out now doesn’t include a particular someone. I’ve been used to dates and I’m just starting to get used to going out again with different people and friends.
Let me just share my day last Saturday. I didn’t have plans that day except meeting Vivian for dinner. This dinner was long overdue coz I haven’t seen her for the longest time and we’ve always planned to meet up each other but for some reasons, either one of us will cancel the meeting.
12:00 pm: I woke up, had lunch and watched The Queen on DVD…
2:00 pm: I took a nap hehehe.
5:00 pm: I woke up again and took my bath. I blow dried my hair and picked my outfit. I wore my denim ragged mini skirt, an empire cut floral spaghetti strapped top and my favorite black high Havaianas. So summer! Anyways, I was going to the dentist first (something I’ve been meaning to do since I received by med card). I texted my friend if he could accompany me coz I’m scared of dentists. Especially now that I think all four of my wisdom tooth needs surgery. They’re hurting like hell nowadays. I texted also Tiff and Victor if they’d like to join me and Vivian to dinner. My friend didn’t reply (I think it’s either he doesn’t have load or has drained battery on his way home). Tiff has dinner with her family but might come later while Vic was in Fuego, resting (lucky him!). Then, I left for the dentist. The dentist I chose has clinic there in Kingswood. When I arrived, I didn’t realize that it was only by appointment. Disappointed, I made an appointment next Saturday. With that, I was still early for my dinner date with Vivian.
5:30 pm: I decided to pass by my Tita Nene’s office in Greenbelt to make “chika”. I always enjoy my talks with Tita. I missed her office because I was once a “tambay” there for quite a while. She said she’ll ride with me to Greenbelt on her way home.
7:15 pm: Tita and I drove to Greenbelt. She went me to the parking and then when we went up to the mall, we parted ways. She was going home to Moonwalk while I was meeting Vivian in Fuzion.
7:30: I saw Vivian and Omar waiting for me outside the restaurant. My friendship with Vivian goes all the way back from high school. We never fell out of touch and I’m grateful for having someone like her as a friend. When they saw me, she said that I was so thin daw (well, I get that often nowadays). We took a table outside and placed our orders. I had Carbonara and iced tea, Vivian got a cheese burger while Omar had lemon chicken with rice. The friend I texted before I went to the dentist texted that his batt was drained and he was already on his way home the time I texted. (See? I was right!) Anyways, as usual, Vivian and I had chika nonstop. She graduated top of her class in UP Law school (I’m so proud of her!) and will be taking the bar this September. We talked about Abby, on how she looks cute pregnant and how much we missed her. We talked about our high school days, how our batch mates are now, friendster people, politics, my non-existent love life, my dramas, our exes, and their “naudlot” na engagement. Of course we had to talk about their future wedding, “Encantadia” theme and everything. I’m one of the bridesmaids and apparently the Sun Fairy. Okay fine, I only agreed to wear bright yellow (definitely not my color for goodness sake!) with wings, because one, she’s one of my closest friends and two, provided that it’s a tube gown. So we ended dinner, with “beso-beso” and a promise that I will pray for her bar exams. After that, I went to sketchbooks to buy the 10th anniv issue of Cosmo because the magazine stand near the ticket booths was out of stock. On my way to the car, I texted Erwin. I didn’t feel like going home yet. Erwin replied saying that he was with Boyet and we could meet up at Bonifacio High Street.
9:30 pm: I met up with Erwin and Boyet at Coffee Bean. They ordered coffee and cheesecake while I had vanilla shake. It was so hot and humid outside. Peak of summer, I guess. I excused myself to look for “teps” for me and Erwin. While I was talking on the phone with Yna and Jay (they are asking if I can meet them at Gilligan’s), I saw my college friends drinking at this restaurant: Paolo, Dicky, Arjay and Agie. We exchanged hellos and good banter for a while then I had to excuse myself again to go back to my friends. I also saw my good friend Celine. I was so thin daw (see told you that I get that often). I told her that’s what happens if you don’t have boyfriend. Then she looked at herself and love struck as she was, she said, “oh really, therefore it’s okay lang”. She was with her boyfriend and they look great together. I’m happy for her J After Coffee Bean, we went to Boyet’s friend’s restaurant (Miss Desserts) at Serendra. She served us the most delicious low fat carrot cake that I ever tasted! Yummy! It was already 12 am and by this time, Yna was texting non-stop to meet them na at Gilligan’s. So I made paalam to leave for Gilligan’s in Park Square.
12:30 am: I met up with Jay and Yna at Gilligan’s. Jay’s my guy best friend ever since my grade school days and Yna’s his better half who I adore. We exchanged stories till like 2 am then Dwight arrived with his friends. Dwight is Yna’s best friend. They introduced me to him sometime February this year, I think. We became text mates, with him always starting the text with “Hi nana,J” I never forgot the time when I came home from gimik at 2am. Dwight and I were texting and I mentioned that I felt like eating Siomai. So there was Dwight arriving at past 2am at our house with North Park’s siomai. Touched ako J. So not just because of the Siomai but also because of the nice person that he is, we became friends. This sparked the never ending teasing of Yna and Jay. Anyways, after Dwight and his friends left, Jay got our bill. Right after that, two kids selling flowers approached Jay. He bought one for me and one for Yna. I panicked at first. You see when we were in Ilocos, in all the churches that we visited, I consistently wished for 3 things: for my family, career and love life. Regarding the last one, I told Him that I was already tired getting hurt but I don’t mind waiting this time as long as the next one would be The One. The sign that I asked for was flowers. Not just ordinary flowers, he must give me the particular arrangement of flowers that I liked. So when Jay gave me the rose, I thought this was not counted because first, Jay’s my best friend and he’s happily with Yna, God wouldn’t want that and second, the flower was not the one I wanted. Yeah, I like roses but not the way it was presented that time. So, di counted yun! J So while I was driving on my way home after that I thought that I had to post a blog about this night. This will be one of the many Saturdays in my new single life: with my friends, meeting old and new people and just enjoying the moment….
Let me just share my day last Saturday. I didn’t have plans that day except meeting Vivian for dinner. This dinner was long overdue coz I haven’t seen her for the longest time and we’ve always planned to meet up each other but for some reasons, either one of us will cancel the meeting.
12:00 pm: I woke up, had lunch and watched The Queen on DVD…
2:00 pm: I took a nap hehehe.
5:00 pm: I woke up again and took my bath. I blow dried my hair and picked my outfit. I wore my denim ragged mini skirt, an empire cut floral spaghetti strapped top and my favorite black high Havaianas. So summer! Anyways, I was going to the dentist first (something I’ve been meaning to do since I received by med card). I texted my friend if he could accompany me coz I’m scared of dentists. Especially now that I think all four of my wisdom tooth needs surgery. They’re hurting like hell nowadays. I texted also Tiff and Victor if they’d like to join me and Vivian to dinner. My friend didn’t reply (I think it’s either he doesn’t have load or has drained battery on his way home). Tiff has dinner with her family but might come later while Vic was in Fuego, resting (lucky him!). Then, I left for the dentist. The dentist I chose has clinic there in Kingswood. When I arrived, I didn’t realize that it was only by appointment. Disappointed, I made an appointment next Saturday. With that, I was still early for my dinner date with Vivian.
5:30 pm: I decided to pass by my Tita Nene’s office in Greenbelt to make “chika”. I always enjoy my talks with Tita. I missed her office because I was once a “tambay” there for quite a while. She said she’ll ride with me to Greenbelt on her way home.
7:15 pm: Tita and I drove to Greenbelt. She went me to the parking and then when we went up to the mall, we parted ways. She was going home to Moonwalk while I was meeting Vivian in Fuzion.
7:30: I saw Vivian and Omar waiting for me outside the restaurant. My friendship with Vivian goes all the way back from high school. We never fell out of touch and I’m grateful for having someone like her as a friend. When they saw me, she said that I was so thin daw (well, I get that often nowadays). We took a table outside and placed our orders. I had Carbonara and iced tea, Vivian got a cheese burger while Omar had lemon chicken with rice. The friend I texted before I went to the dentist texted that his batt was drained and he was already on his way home the time I texted. (See? I was right!) Anyways, as usual, Vivian and I had chika nonstop. She graduated top of her class in UP Law school (I’m so proud of her!) and will be taking the bar this September. We talked about Abby, on how she looks cute pregnant and how much we missed her. We talked about our high school days, how our batch mates are now, friendster people, politics, my non-existent love life, my dramas, our exes, and their “naudlot” na engagement. Of course we had to talk about their future wedding, “Encantadia” theme and everything. I’m one of the bridesmaids and apparently the Sun Fairy. Okay fine, I only agreed to wear bright yellow (definitely not my color for goodness sake!) with wings, because one, she’s one of my closest friends and two, provided that it’s a tube gown. So we ended dinner, with “beso-beso” and a promise that I will pray for her bar exams. After that, I went to sketchbooks to buy the 10th anniv issue of Cosmo because the magazine stand near the ticket booths was out of stock. On my way to the car, I texted Erwin. I didn’t feel like going home yet. Erwin replied saying that he was with Boyet and we could meet up at Bonifacio High Street.
9:30 pm: I met up with Erwin and Boyet at Coffee Bean. They ordered coffee and cheesecake while I had vanilla shake. It was so hot and humid outside. Peak of summer, I guess. I excused myself to look for “teps” for me and Erwin. While I was talking on the phone with Yna and Jay (they are asking if I can meet them at Gilligan’s), I saw my college friends drinking at this restaurant: Paolo, Dicky, Arjay and Agie. We exchanged hellos and good banter for a while then I had to excuse myself again to go back to my friends. I also saw my good friend Celine. I was so thin daw (see told you that I get that often). I told her that’s what happens if you don’t have boyfriend. Then she looked at herself and love struck as she was, she said, “oh really, therefore it’s okay lang”. She was with her boyfriend and they look great together. I’m happy for her J After Coffee Bean, we went to Boyet’s friend’s restaurant (Miss Desserts) at Serendra. She served us the most delicious low fat carrot cake that I ever tasted! Yummy! It was already 12 am and by this time, Yna was texting non-stop to meet them na at Gilligan’s. So I made paalam to leave for Gilligan’s in Park Square.
12:30 am: I met up with Jay and Yna at Gilligan’s. Jay’s my guy best friend ever since my grade school days and Yna’s his better half who I adore. We exchanged stories till like 2 am then Dwight arrived with his friends. Dwight is Yna’s best friend. They introduced me to him sometime February this year, I think. We became text mates, with him always starting the text with “Hi nana,J” I never forgot the time when I came home from gimik at 2am. Dwight and I were texting and I mentioned that I felt like eating Siomai. So there was Dwight arriving at past 2am at our house with North Park’s siomai. Touched ako J. So not just because of the Siomai but also because of the nice person that he is, we became friends. This sparked the never ending teasing of Yna and Jay. Anyways, after Dwight and his friends left, Jay got our bill. Right after that, two kids selling flowers approached Jay. He bought one for me and one for Yna. I panicked at first. You see when we were in Ilocos, in all the churches that we visited, I consistently wished for 3 things: for my family, career and love life. Regarding the last one, I told Him that I was already tired getting hurt but I don’t mind waiting this time as long as the next one would be The One. The sign that I asked for was flowers. Not just ordinary flowers, he must give me the particular arrangement of flowers that I liked. So when Jay gave me the rose, I thought this was not counted because first, Jay’s my best friend and he’s happily with Yna, God wouldn’t want that and second, the flower was not the one I wanted. Yeah, I like roses but not the way it was presented that time. So, di counted yun! J So while I was driving on my way home after that I thought that I had to post a blog about this night. This will be one of the many Saturdays in my new single life: with my friends, meeting old and new people and just enjoying the moment….
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
HeLLo ILoCoS!!!
One of the lighthouses in Ilocos 
With Erwin, pictorial at Fort Ilocandia... Laughing our heads off!
Aspiring Lifeguard! Lolz!!!!
This is what Boyet calls the Golden Hour.. Nice lighting for the pictures.. One of the old churches in Ilocos
Nana - Erwin - Boyet... Thanks to Boyet's tripod, finally, we had a pic with all three of us together!!!
Pagudpod in Ilocos... Nice beach...
Solitary rules!!! =)
This is it!!!! The nicest picture of the batch!!!
I recently discovered how to put these pictures together!!! Im addicted to it!!!
Monday, April 2, 2007
Sometimes you got to run away to see who will run after you...
Sometimes you got to talk quietly to see who's really listening...
Sometimes you got to step up to fight only to see who's standing by you...
Sometimes you got to make a wrong decision only to see who's there to help you fix it...
Sometimes you got to let go of the one you love just to see if they love you enough to come back to you...
Some of my Europe Pictures =)
Moulin Rouge in Paris
On my own in the streets of Austria
Cathedral in Austria
Who could forget the tram going home to Papa's house. I got caught not stamping my strippencart! yikes!!!
At the famous Red Light District. One Helluva Night!!!
Canals in Amsterdam... One of the places where they shot Ocean's Twelve
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Tuesday, March 6, 2007
IF ONLY I COULD TURN BACK TIME...
...I should have shouted less and listened more... things would have become more peaceful and easy to deal with..
...I should have not drowned myself with work and spent time with my loved ones more.. time with them is irreplaceable..
...I should have not shopped for things not needed and saved for rainy days.. all my clothes that ive worn only once could buy me a brand new cellphone when i left mine in the bus...
...I should have thought about things first before deciding what to do.. i shouldn't be feeling this way if i had...
...I should have stopped smoking when i got out of the hospital.. now its too hard to quit this F@#!*% habit..
...I should have paid attention to what others were feeling.. and talked to them.. relationships could've gotten stronger...
...I should have not been too judgemental and must have given others a chance to prove themselves.. like what i want others to do to me...
...I should have enjoyed myself and not care about what others were thinking... the hell with them...
...I should have listened to what my mom told me coz mothers always know best.. now i know...
...I should have prayed more and had faith in Him more...
...I should have trusted more and should have put my guard down just a bit.. i would have enjoyed more the feeling being loved..
...I should have eaten my pride for the things really important to me.. now i know pride wouldnt get you anywhere..
...I should have thanked those people who has always been there for me.. let them know that i appreciate them and that when time comes that they'll need me, ill be there...
...I shouldn't have hurt you the way that i did...
...I should have not drowned myself with work and spent time with my loved ones more.. time with them is irreplaceable..
...I should have not shopped for things not needed and saved for rainy days.. all my clothes that ive worn only once could buy me a brand new cellphone when i left mine in the bus...
...I should have thought about things first before deciding what to do.. i shouldn't be feeling this way if i had...
...I should have stopped smoking when i got out of the hospital.. now its too hard to quit this F@#!*% habit..
...I should have paid attention to what others were feeling.. and talked to them.. relationships could've gotten stronger...
...I should have not been too judgemental and must have given others a chance to prove themselves.. like what i want others to do to me...
...I should have enjoyed myself and not care about what others were thinking... the hell with them...
...I should have listened to what my mom told me coz mothers always know best.. now i know...
...I should have prayed more and had faith in Him more...
...I should have trusted more and should have put my guard down just a bit.. i would have enjoyed more the feeling being loved..
...I should have eaten my pride for the things really important to me.. now i know pride wouldnt get you anywhere..
...I should have thanked those people who has always been there for me.. let them know that i appreciate them and that when time comes that they'll need me, ill be there...
...I shouldn't have hurt you the way that i did...
HOMILY TO MYSELF
**adapted from a text message sent to me by a friend
There are things i regret...
words i wish had gone unsaid,
starts that had bitter endings,
chances i threw away,
roads i should never have taken,
signs that i didnt see,
hearts i hurt needlessly
and wounds i wish i could mend..
But life gets that much harder.
The past cant be rewritten but it can make me stronger.
I should still be thankful for every change life has thrown me.. f
or every break in my heart,
for every scar...
Some pages were turned,
some bridges were burned but still...
i had lessons learned
There are things i regret...
words i wish had gone unsaid,
starts that had bitter endings,
chances i threw away,
roads i should never have taken,
signs that i didnt see,
hearts i hurt needlessly
and wounds i wish i could mend..
But life gets that much harder.
The past cant be rewritten but it can make me stronger.
I should still be thankful for every change life has thrown me.. f
or every break in my heart,
for every scar...
Some pages were turned,
some bridges were burned but still...
i had lessons learned
Stuff You Don't Learn In School...
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'lleventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid thatit will never begin.
-from Sherlock's Bulletin Post =)
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'lleventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid thatit will never begin.
-from Sherlock's Bulletin Post =)
UnSoLiCiTeD AdViCe To ThE HeArTBroKeN PeePS
By this time, everybody knows that my 3-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend has ended... I've tried moving on already and i know so has he... As always, its hard letting go of people you love especially that they've already almost became a permanent figure in your life.. Christmases, birthdays and graduations dining out with my & his family... First person you call for the good and bad news.. The person you consult about anything & everything.. The first person you see in the morning and the last who you see before you sleep.. The person who you constantly look for to fight with during PMS days... Movie, eating and gimmik partner... Hell, even all of my doctors from different hospitals knows him.. My point it, twas really hard shaking it off.. I can't be bitter naman coz i know somewhere along the way towards this separation, i did a lot of things im not proud of.. Things that i wish ive done differently so that maybe the situation wouldnt have ended this way... I can't be mad naman to the person because he has given me the best three years in my life as to date... I guess "may hangganan din lahat ng tao".. Patience and love could run out especially kung sobra pasaway kasama mo lagi like me... Well, all i could do is to learn from my mistakes and be better on my next relationships... And i thought, if i forever stay hoping and holding on, i'd eventually lose those people who would want to love and take care of me in the future..
Anyways, i wouldn't be this sane right now if it weren't for my friends and unexpected shock absorbers.. And believe it or not, i got strength from constant text messages that really touched me, and i wanna share them with you guys...
(1) FROM ERWIN: "It's okay to cry as hard and as long as you want to,just make sure that when you stop crying,you wont cry for the same reason anymore..." -self explanatory =)
(2) FROM FAYE: "I always thought that love can melt away the pain no matter how painful it is, but i realized that pain could also melt away the love, no matter how great it is..." -sad but sobrang true
(3) FROM FAYE AGAIN: "Anyone can make you smile or cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile when you already have tears in your eyes..." -this is for all of my friends at work, to those people who always are at Peachy's and my work stations hehe
(4) FROM FAYE STILL: "Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.." -sobrang sweet!
(5) FROM ALVIN: "When i was little, i fell from a tree but before i did, i managed to hold on to a branch. I was up there for a long time waiting.. The silence, the pain in my arms, the heat, my heartbeat pumping... Then i finally fell. I could not recall exactly what happened after i hit the ground.. All i could remember was the agony of holding on.. and the wonderful feeling of letting go..."
(6) FROM FAYE AGAIN: "A breakup is like a broken mirror.. Its better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.."
(7) FROM JV: "You aren't going to be his first, his last or his only. He loved before and he'll love again. But if he loves you now, what els matters? He's not perfect, you're not either. If he can make you laugh and he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him. He's not going to be thinking of you every moment of the day but he'll give you a part of him that he knows you can break--- his heart. So dont hurt him, dont change him, dont analyz and dont expect more that he can give. Smile when he makes you happy because perfect guys dont exist, but there's only one man who's perfect for you..."
Anyways, i wouldn't be this sane right now if it weren't for my friends and unexpected shock absorbers.. And believe it or not, i got strength from constant text messages that really touched me, and i wanna share them with you guys...
(1) FROM ERWIN: "It's okay to cry as hard and as long as you want to,just make sure that when you stop crying,you wont cry for the same reason anymore..." -self explanatory =)
(2) FROM FAYE: "I always thought that love can melt away the pain no matter how painful it is, but i realized that pain could also melt away the love, no matter how great it is..." -sad but sobrang true
(3) FROM FAYE AGAIN: "Anyone can make you smile or cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile when you already have tears in your eyes..." -this is for all of my friends at work, to those people who always are at Peachy's and my work stations hehe
(4) FROM FAYE STILL: "Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.." -sobrang sweet!
(5) FROM ALVIN: "When i was little, i fell from a tree but before i did, i managed to hold on to a branch. I was up there for a long time waiting.. The silence, the pain in my arms, the heat, my heartbeat pumping... Then i finally fell. I could not recall exactly what happened after i hit the ground.. All i could remember was the agony of holding on.. and the wonderful feeling of letting go..."
(6) FROM FAYE AGAIN: "A breakup is like a broken mirror.. Its better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.."
(7) FROM JV: "You aren't going to be his first, his last or his only. He loved before and he'll love again. But if he loves you now, what els matters? He's not perfect, you're not either. If he can make you laugh and he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him. He's not going to be thinking of you every moment of the day but he'll give you a part of him that he knows you can break--- his heart. So dont hurt him, dont change him, dont analyz and dont expect more that he can give. Smile when he makes you happy because perfect guys dont exist, but there's only one man who's perfect for you..."
Cracks of my Broken Heart
What To Do After Break-Ups:
1.) BEG - uhuh... try getting him back... tears, pa-cute.. try everything!!
2.) MAKE HIM JEALOUS - deliberately wrong send him messages, make imbento cute guy friends hihihi
kung ayaw pa din..
3.) CRY - yep.. cry like there's no tomorrow!! Rant, throw things, curse, tear pictures (or draw on them!) etc... But this "barbaric" activity could only last for at most one whole day.. More than that, no guy is worth that much tears and energy..
4.) SHOP -get those credit card and shop shop shop! Buy those clothes you never got to buy kasi he doesn't like it (coz maybe it looked TOO good on you and could probably start fistfights hehe).. Buy all the Mango and Zara clothes you want without hearing somebody telling you how impractical you are.. This is your card, your money, your clothes and NOTHING or NOBODY should get between you and these!!! The best therapy for any heartache.
5.) CABLE CAR - this is located along Pasay Road in Makati behind the New World Hotel.. Invite your friends.. Php5.00 per song + Php380.00 for a barrel of draft beer = sulit na e noh? Drown your sorrows while singing Half Crazy like twenty times, I'll never get over you getting over me and Don't Speak!!! Most of the customers here are friendly (and sometimes cute!).. Almost always after a cable car gimik, you get to have new friends or flirtmates...
6.) PRACTICE YOUR FLIRTING SKILLS -malamang after the break-up you wouldn't want to have ANOTHER relationship immediately so practice flirting with ANY / ALL cute male species!!!! Duh! After devoting your time to your last beau, for sure, you got rusty na on this aspect... Just know your limitations.. Flirt! Flirt! Flirt!
7.) HAVE A TATOO -yeah, and tell everyone about it without telling them where... Its for you to know and for them to find out =)
8.) HAVE A BELLY RING - and work on those abs girl!!!! Make him drool come summertime.. =)
9.) LOOK FABULOUS -go to Regine's parlor in Park Square, look for Tata or Resty... have them cut and style your hair... have mani & peds every other week, facials whenever you need them, massages... Make it a point that you look your best every single day... Cyempre dapat prepared, malay mo pauwi you might bump into him... Take it from me, its all worth it
and lastly...
10.) PARTY!!!! - go out... and go out.. and go out.. hehehe =)
1.) BEG - uhuh... try getting him back... tears, pa-cute.. try everything!!
2.) MAKE HIM JEALOUS - deliberately wrong send him messages, make imbento cute guy friends hihihi
kung ayaw pa din..
3.) CRY - yep.. cry like there's no tomorrow!! Rant, throw things, curse, tear pictures (or draw on them!) etc... But this "barbaric" activity could only last for at most one whole day.. More than that, no guy is worth that much tears and energy..
4.) SHOP -get those credit card and shop shop shop! Buy those clothes you never got to buy kasi he doesn't like it (coz maybe it looked TOO good on you and could probably start fistfights hehe).. Buy all the Mango and Zara clothes you want without hearing somebody telling you how impractical you are.. This is your card, your money, your clothes and NOTHING or NOBODY should get between you and these!!! The best therapy for any heartache.
5.) CABLE CAR - this is located along Pasay Road in Makati behind the New World Hotel.. Invite your friends.. Php5.00 per song + Php380.00 for a barrel of draft beer = sulit na e noh? Drown your sorrows while singing Half Crazy like twenty times, I'll never get over you getting over me and Don't Speak!!! Most of the customers here are friendly (and sometimes cute!).. Almost always after a cable car gimik, you get to have new friends or flirtmates...
6.) PRACTICE YOUR FLIRTING SKILLS -malamang after the break-up you wouldn't want to have ANOTHER relationship immediately so practice flirting with ANY / ALL cute male species!!!! Duh! After devoting your time to your last beau, for sure, you got rusty na on this aspect... Just know your limitations.. Flirt! Flirt! Flirt!
7.) HAVE A TATOO -yeah, and tell everyone about it without telling them where... Its for you to know and for them to find out =)
8.) HAVE A BELLY RING - and work on those abs girl!!!! Make him drool come summertime.. =)
9.) LOOK FABULOUS -go to Regine's parlor in Park Square, look for Tata or Resty... have them cut and style your hair... have mani & peds every other week, facials whenever you need them, massages... Make it a point that you look your best every single day... Cyempre dapat prepared, malay mo pauwi you might bump into him... Take it from me, its all worth it
and lastly...
10.) PARTY!!!! - go out... and go out.. and go out.. hehehe =)
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